Monday, June 29, 2009


i have a follower :) hi there :)

now ive been quite busy so heres the catch up on the last couple of days :)

other sarah picked me up around 8:45 and we dropped her car at the kmart mechanics. thats right kmart has a mechanic :) then we went to work to drop of my stuff cause they had given me a shift from 1 til 6. guess who was working? brad. yepp. and jess g and nic as well. so i asked jess g if she was working all day and no she finished work at 1:45. and nic was finishing at 2 which was why i was in. yepp.
then me and other sarah went to maccas for breakfast :) then we shopped.
then she got a call from the mechanics asking her if she had got a road worthy on her car. she had but it turns out the guy who passed it was dodge and shouldnt have passed it. so the car was going to have to stay in all day therefore meaning we couldnt pick up ron ron. he attempted to bus it but realised that he didnt have any money on him or at his house. and the bus driver wouldnt let him on. so he had to walk about half hour to get to the shops to get money out. which he said he was going to do but didnt end up doing.
so me and other sarah went dress shopping on our own. i found lots of nice ones but they were all strapless which i dont think will work for me cause i want to be able to dance at formal. other sarah found a really nice one :) its back was amazing.

see you can kind of see the back in this one ^^


then i went to work, other sarah walked me and we all chilled with jess g and nic for a bit :) it was quite nice
then she left and i started working. jess g told me that brad had to stay down the back cause we still arent meant to be working together. not long after brad came up to get something. so we talked a little bit. then jess left. then nic left. then it was just us. but he was still down the back. at the very end of my shift i asked him to honestly answer me about when we broke up if he meant what he said about him thinking i was cheating on him every weekend. he said "i said a lot of stupid things when we broke up" but i double checked "so you didnt mean it?" and he shook his head :D which is fantastic cause thats what i was stressing about the most. after working with him i decided i liked him again :S
then i left and other sarah (with max) picked me up. she is so funny she got to the school before realising that she had left me behind! we went to her house, she got ready then we went to dominoes cause other sarah had a free voucher :) a couple of minutes after ordering sister sarah called and said she was at my house. so she chilled with my mum until we got to mine with the pizza. mum got me drinks which was nice :) so we got ready and things were... okay with sister sarah. i dont know if it was awkward or i was just being awkward.
we were all going to walk to ashlees cause its close but it was raining so we called zack and he got some guy to pick us up :) thanks guy :) we got there and it was actually way better than i expected. it was kind of separated but it was still fun. i introduced rhys to everyone as rhysiefaecies :) he was getting mad but not the real kind of mad just the playful kind. ssiter sarah was threatening to tell the boys about Gilly Giant Jugs then later on rhys came up and was like "Hi Gilly" so i went to sister sarah and was like "omg i cant believe you told them im going to tell them about Betty Big Bra blah blah blah" and ran off and told the boys. then i found out that sister sarah had only told them to call me Gilly. stupid bec. so i apologized alot for it and the photos on myspace and told her about how i thought she hated me cause of it and everything. she said she didnt hate me and everything but i still dont know cause she would never tell me if she was angry. two guys from corbos were there, im pretty sure they were called scotty and ryan (sorry im really bad with names) and they were like the only non-sleazy guys from corbos so i chilled with them a bit. and there were heaps of people from my school that i used to be friends with so i was chilling with them as well. i stole like half of torys vodka haha :) thanks tory :)
then we got a call from the creek boys saying that they were all drinking at adams and we should come. so we were trying to figure out how to get there when cameron, a guy that used to go to our school but was hell dodge when he did, offered to drive us. and we were like "no you cant its in minyama thats too far" but hed just gotten his Ps so he really wanted to drive and he hadnt been drinking so we got in his car. hes a nice boy :) so we got there and even though he refused to take money i gave him some. we got to adams and hayden greets me with "guess what bec? toms here" so we went inside and said hi to everyone. everyone being adam, alistair, julian, haden, riley, ricky, rickys gf (yepp they're still together somehow) ron ron, reiss, tom and sam. i was so fully stoaked i still had all my drinks when i got to adams :) so we chilled in the lounge room and drank. tom was very very very drunk, he was hallucinating :S me and riley chilled again and it was good :) we took some great photos too :)

the face haha.

other sarah and riley.

fully stoaked... about something.

gosh im a good poser.

my drunk face.

haha talking?

over exposed?

squashed nose.

tom. his eyes are amazing.

tom and sister sarah.

ron ron and alistair.


the face again.

shes gorgeous.

i love them dearly.

then me and tom were sitting on the couch and he started off by putting his arm on the top of the couch then slowly lowering it to rest on my shoulder. it was like in the movies or something :) i was trying to act oblivious cause i didnt want to force anything. then i went to the fridge to get another drink and tom followed me. he fully jumped me!! we started kissing and ended up against the cupboard making out. then he put his hand down my pants before id even realised what he was doing. so i pulled it out and was like "there are people in the room!" (cause the kitchen is connected to the lounge room) and hes like "that just makes it more fun" no tom. so we went back to the couch and chilled with everyone some more. and made out some more :)
then at 12 adam kicked everyone out which was weird cause normally adams cool but whatever. we decided to go back to ron rons so we walked to the nicklin way, checked bus times and walked as far as we could before 1:20 when the bus was meant to come. ron ron and sam walked way ahead cause sam wanted to have talks. on the way i realised that i had no money so we stopped by the 7/11 and got a curly-whirly, 2 chomps and $10 out. the sarahs got pies. quote "boob do you want a pie? no ive got chocolate!" the ladies working must have thought we were halarious :) reiss kept on trying to trip me when we were walking so i kept on running about 20 meters ahead and either danced til everyone caught up or tom would come up and kiss me until we were about 10 meters behind everyone. and repeat. reiss was paying me and tom out cause when we kissed tom would be bending down and i would be on my tiptoes :) when reiss tripped me once i like rolled my ankle and sister sarah offered to piggy back me but i decided i was man enough to handle it :) we got to the closet bus stop and sat there waiting. id needed to pee since we left adams so i went down a back alley and peed. im quite stoaked that i didnt fail :) after waiting for ages we accepted that the bus wasnt coming and got other sarah to call a taxi. the taxi people hung up on sarah the first time LOL. so we got a maxi taxi to come, got picked up, picked up ron ron and sam a little ways down and got to ron rons.
me and tom were in the spare room cause somehow reiss swindled us out of the double bed and into the single. we started making out and everything then i get a text. guess who its from? brad. yepp. it said "look soz if i woke you but i wanna know an answer like i gave you tonight x" so i called him but we didnt talk for long cause his phone died. so he text me and the conversation was a bit confusing but he basically asked if i had cheated on him :( which means he probably did mean everything he said when we broke up :( i went to talk to the sarahs, ditching tom for a minute :S and they said there was no reason for me to tell brad about tom so i didnt. it must have been hell annoying for tom and it was really rude of me. i mean texting my ex while im making out with tom and stressing about not telling brad about cheating on him with tom while toms kissing the back of my neck and leaving the room to talk strategy with the sarahs about brad. stupid bec. but i made it up to him and he didnt fail this time :) i was a bit devo of the timing but tom is amazing therefore still making me orgasm without even taking my pants off :) he also gave me two of the biggest hickeys on either side of my neck. one of them looks like a rash thats how big it is! he has some too :) then we fell asleep together :)
after being with tom ive decided that im not going to get back with brad :) like i probably still love him and everything but hes just no good at the physical stuff. okay, no, hes not no good at it hes good but after being tom i just couldnt go back to that. not now that i know how amazingly-fantasticly-super-mindblowing it can be. it would be like going from living in a small apartment to living in a huge mansion then back to the apartment (no pun intended on the small and huge :P ) it just wouldnt work. i couldnt do it. so thanks tom :)


alarm went off at 7 :l ugh. so i got up, called mum, found out she couldnt pick me, called riley, found out he could and got ready. sarah text me when my alarm went off asking if it was my alarm so we chilled in ron rons living room until riley came. i absolutely love riley :) he drove from adams house in minyama to ron rons house in currimundi then back to the plaza so that i could get to work :) hes a legend. then mum came to the plaza to give me clothes and stuff for work. then i went to work with my red bull and water, got ready, tried to cover my hickeys, showed jess and chloe my hickeys who told me to put my hair over it then worked. nic didnt notice my hickeys all day i was so stoaked :) work was fun. i knocked my water bottle over at one stage and jess cleaned it up for me and i was like "gosh im so unco" and shes like "thats cause you stayed up all night getting rashes from boys" LOL i chilled with other sarah on my break and recapped on our night/her morning. i so wish i didnt have to work, she had the best morning. everyone went to hers for breakfast and i worked :( haha when tom came into the room in the morning other sarah was like "hey tom whats that on your neck there?" and he turns to the mirror and was like "oh no, oh shit" while rubbing it. she leaned over to sister sarah and, thinking she was whispering, said "becs is worse" to discover that everyone heard. just hoping i dont see the boys before its gone haha :) also i found out that tom borrowed a condom of ron ron which makes me a bit worried cause he had one in his wallet at adams birthday but he didnt have one friday night, probably meaning that hes used it since adams. while i know ive got no claim to him it still makes me jealous. then work, then home, then sleep. other sarah text me later and invited me to a thing with pauly and friends but then she found out she couldnt go and since i dont know them that well i text sister sarah too see if she wanted to come but she never text me back. so i just slept.

my alarm goes off at 8 :l ugh. i thought it was monday so i planned my day before realising that it was actually sunday and i had to work. i got into work and the first thing jenny asks me is "what did you do last night?" and i was like "nothing, why?" and shes like "what did you do friday night?" and i said "i went out, why?" and she says "who were you with?" and i replied "rebound boy" (tom) and she was like "i can tell by the necklace he gave you" LOL i love her :) sash was quite impressed too :) work was good again. chilled with other sarah on my break again. found out that sister sarah had called her last night finding out the details for paulys things and othere sarah said to sister sarah "call bec she wants to go" but i never got a call :( so now im worried that sister sarah is angry at me still. then back to work. megan came in who im not particularly a fan of but oh well :) then drove home and got invited to the movies with pauly, other sarah, mel and riley. we saw year one. its okay, not great. then we went to mooloolaba maccas then went to take rae, jamie, brent, nick, sam and someone else to omalleys :( i so wish i was 18. then we went back to maccas and chilled before going home. sarah came into mine to use the bathroom and ended up staying so late she didnt want to drive home so she stayed at mine. just after we got into bed we got a call from nick saying hed just got kicked out of omalleys with sam and that they were walking back to nicks house. so we went to pick them. we werent going to let them walk from mooloolaba to buderim. we told them we'd meet them at coles but as we drove into coles we saw that there was police talking to sam and nick. since other sarahs on her red Ps we drove out again and tried to call rae, brent and jamie to see if they knew anything but they didnt pick up. then they called and we tried to convince them to go away from coles but then they hung up. we thought that nicks phone had died so we went to coles and saw cops there again. so we drove away again and waited for their call. they called, we picked them up, dropped sam home, dropped nick home and went home. it was so funny when we dropped nick home we walked him to his room and helped him get his shoes off then we tried to get his jumper off and it got stuck on his head!! me and other sarah collapsed on the bed in fits of laughter and nick just sits there, not even trying to get it off saying "ouch this hurts" and "this isnt funny guys" which just made it funnier :)

other sarahs alarm goes off at 8 :l ugh. i said goodbye to her and then went back to sleep until 1:30 pm :) then i got up showered and searched for my pill prescription. which i found :) now im on myspace and msn and i just found out that jackson and kamara got together!! jacksons like 25 and engaged and has a kid! shit! but i cant act like this to her cause ive gotta support her, she supports me. and its not like hes innocent in this either.

well thats everything :)

Thursday, June 25, 2009


i saw some haikus on a blog describing their life.
so ive decided to write one of my own.
but describing my day since my life is just way to broad.

i have an amazing
amount of emotions for
such a small body

today on the bus i was lip syncing to my ipod and it brought me to think of something sister sarah said (wow lots of Ss) about grace and becky who were lip syncing in the car on the way to and from the D.F.O. she said "why dont you just sing?" which brought me to think "why dont i just sing? what would happen if i did?" i think if a person started singing on the bus i would listen to them. that would be it. do you reckon id get told to be quiet if i started singing on the bus? well i guess it would depend if there was stupid people on my bus or not.
i think i shall try it next time :)


i feel better

thankyou other sarah :)
she just called again and we planned tomorrow.
ron ron is coming with us now :)
then we're meeting up with reiss and picking up max (sarahs little brother) and we're going to see transformers 2 :)
yay :)
and i talked to other sarah about sister sarah and she said that sister sarah hadnt mentioned anything to her and that the reason sarah couldnt come was cause she had to work. so maybe things are okay.


i dont know whats wrong

i feel sad. and i dont know why. alls i know is little things im not happy with.

i saw brad today. which led me to think about him and how much i miss dating him (or just the relationship im not sure which) and how much more i miss him as a friend. which led me to cry. and to hate myself for not being able to say anything to him again.

the release of stress about not being pregnant is no doubt a factor too. i still find myself holding/rubbing my stomach every now and then. maybe theres some regret there as well cause even though im not equipped to be a mum it would still be amazing. to be able to create something, to be able to look at and hold a living, breathing, moving, feeling baby and think "i made that" that would be truly amazing.

i was thinking about the past. about how amazing things were and how good it would be to have everything recorded so that you could relive it at your own convenience. photos kind of do that i guess. and how terrible its going to be that one day ill be able to look at photos of places i love and events that blew my mind and people that changed my life and be a stranger to them, looking but not feeling.

and thinking about moving out, leaving the sunshine coast. this place is all ive ever known i dont know how im going to handle anywhere else, if ill even be able to handle anywhere else. and my friends. they know me better than i know myself. they know everything there is to know. i dont remember how i met them, how i managed to make friends with them and i dont know if ill be able to have anything like ive got ever again. i just dont see how it can happen, how something so amazing and comforting and right can be redone with different people. it shouldnt be possible. and that this is going to happen with my friends too. that their going to have all this with other people that arent me. and it will be amazing and comforting and right. without me.

about my career. i should really know what i want to do. im so scared that im going to end up normal. that im going to be average. that i will settle. if i woke up one day and realised my life was a routine that could be copied i would want to die.

and what im going to look like at formal.
i could look like mutton dressed as lamb. i have this theory see; i could have the most amazing dress, have the highest of high heels (and be able to walk in them), makeup that makes me flawless and hair that looks like it was done by the top hollywood stylist and still look ridiculous. it just wouldnt be 'me' and everyone would know it.
or i could look under dressed. i could attempt a more 'me' look which would be very... unformal. therefore looking out of place, daggy and ridiculous.
having gorgeous friends that would look good in a heshen sack doesnt boost my confidence any either.
in fact im quite sure that naomi, sappho and possibly mel will find a dress very similar to a heshen sack cause its 'them' and they will look amazing in it.

so yes. maybe it is the little things that make up life. i just wish mine werent making me sad :(

ohh and i text sister sarah today asking if she wanted to go formal dress looking with me. we havent seen each other since the myspace photo incident and im unbelievably worried that shes still angry. she said shed come and we planned it and invited other sarah. but other sarah just called me saying that sister sarah cancelled but shed still like to come with me if i wanted to. while formal dress looking with other sarah will be fine i didnt really want to go, i was just going cause i felt weird for just inviting sister sarah to go shopping with me. so now im worried that she cancelled cause shes angry and im confused as to why she didnt tell me, she told other sarah even though i was the one that planned it. but i guess this would be in keeping of her being angry at me, yes?
this is even worse. this isnt a little thing, this is a big thing. a sad big thing.

melodramatic moment

i often have them.
times where i change one aspect of my life in my mind and think about how differently things would have turned out.
its always a huge aspect, therefore huge changes.
and it usually makes me feel unimportant cause the huge changed make my imaginary life seem so much more interesting. not necessarily happier or better but just more interesting. and i hate feeling boring.

recently ive been thinking about if i was pregnant.
cause until this morning my period was 8 days late.
and me and tom didnt use a condom.
so yeah i was about to go to the doctors for a test until i found the evidence this morning.

when i realised how late i was my first thought was obviously shit i dont want kids ever, let alone at this age.
i played out in my head the scenario of telling tom that i was with baby.
it pretty much went me seeing him at work, us meeting up on his break and me telling him. i honestly have no clue how he would react. like i knew he would freak but i dont know how he acts when he freaks. would he leave, would he cry, woud he go quiet, would he not believe me, would he deny it was his? even though i think toms great and a gentleman and a good person, hugely massive news like this would make people act different. i dont think hed be able to make a joke which would just be the worst thing ever cause tom without a joke isnt tom.
ron ron and reiss would make jokes just cause they wouldnt know what else to do.
the sarahs wouldnt know what to do either i think. i think theyd just stay with me in case i needed anything which would be all id need.
i dont know what nutter would do. i think she may laugh and thank god its not her a little behind my back cause i always tell her off for not being safe and the fact that i was safe and that tom didnt get off would just be too ironic for her not to. id probably do the same, situation reversed.
i know that i wouldnt tell my mum. she doesnt know ive had a boyfriend, or think im sexually active. imagine her shock if she found out i was pregnant from a drunken... i dont want to mistake cause i dont regret it. a drunken forgetfulness/laziness. and dad would kill tom so thats a no as well.
i wouldnt keep it. id have the sarahs with me, they would help me call the clinic and make an appointment. other sarah would drive me with sister sarah in the car as well. maybe tom if he wanted to but i doubt it. i dont think id want him there either. id hate him to feel as bad as i would. id hate him to think that it was his fault cause hey i pretty much started it. and we were safe so its nobodies fault anyways.
i dont know if tom would be okay with me going to the clinic. obviously being a father at 17 wouldnt be his ideal life but hes really close to his family so maybe he would be against it. i dont think hed tell me if he was against it, hed just want me to make the best choice for me. not like i wouldnt give him a say in it, i mean hes got half the decision here, but i think if we disagreed i would do it anyway. its my body, my life, my choice ultimately.
i dont think me and tom could be friends after it. i know toms not awkward and everything but this is a bit bigger than a drunken night together.

this is was a baby.

so yeah that was a tour along my neurosis for the last couple of days.
its strange cause until i was in the situation i was very blasé about abortion. i really didnt think of it as a big deal. i still dont see it as murder like some people do but... i dont know i think id mourn for the baby once i did it. it took me so much to write the word abortion just then.

the fact that the aspect didnt change hasnt made me feel unimportant, its made me feel grateful. grateful that i dont have to say those words, see those reactions, make that choice. very grateful.

ahh my alarms just gone off for me to take the pill.
i think thats a fitting end.


nick is other sarahs boyfriend.
and since ive become pretty much nocturnal and he is pretty much nocturnal we've been talking for hours every night.
i know that im probably reading too much into it and being stupid.
i know that nick loves sarah and they probably talk like this too.
but i just wanted to say something in case it turns into something.
cause i love being proved right.
no wait that came out wrong. i never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever (well you get the idea) want to be proved right about this. but... i dont know im just stressing a little and wanted to write something to get it out of my head.
i think i should probably go to bed now.
nick is anyways so theres nobody left for me to talk to.
that sounds a bit bad, no?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

im just so popular

i know everyone :)
example 1: today at the plaza i saw maddie, kamara, naomi, britta, kezia and alex.
example 2: i also saw elliot, joe and their other friends.
example 3: i also saw corey and corey.
example 4: then i saw zak and rhys.
example 5: then i saw naomis sister kaitlyn.
example 6: then i saw rachelle.
example 7: then i saw jack.
example 8: then i saw sam.
yeah as i said, im pretty popular :D

today i got woken up by mum. i was far from pleased and answered her with a grumpy "what?" she then said "heres $5 for the bus" boy did i feel bad. i got up later and got ready. then i somehow almost missed the bus and had to run for it. and i took my shoes off to do so. i bet grace would have loved that. she caught the bus with me today. how embarrassment.
so i got to the plaza and brought makeup while waiting for nutter.
then we met up and walked around the plaza for a bit before resting at coles. she drew me a picture of her new house that was pretty awesome haha then we went to maccas and ate.
then elliot and joe came in. they were going to sit with us but their friends were awkward so they didnt.
then corey and corey came in and sat with us. they mentioned that they had just been to see transformers with zak and rhys so we called them and they were sitting just outside maccas!! so they came in and sat with us.
then the coreys left, then rhys left then me, nutter and zak walked around the plaza.
then we saw kaitlyn. well no zak saw kaitlyn and said "isnt that naomis sister?" and im like "no she has different hair" and hes like "no im pretty sure thats her" so nutter calls down "kaitlyn" and she turns aroud. so yeah zak who has seen kaitlyn once can recognise her. compare this to kaitlyn being my adopted sister who i have spent countless times with and i couldnt recognise her :S
then zak left and me and nutter went into target where we saw rachelle working. so we chatted for a bit, tried on some heels then left.
then we went to kmart, brought $1 lollies, went to a seat and had a picnic :) nutter brought food from home cause shes broke :) shes so cute :)
then i saw jack and waved to him. he did the whole double-take thing it was halarious :) so he came over and chatted for a bit. he looks exactly the same as he did in year 7 except with braces :) it was expectedly awkward.
then sam sat next to me and i got super-dooperly amazingly excited and kind of ... ignored jack :S then he left with his friend without saying goodbye so i guess that our thing is ended :l
so we chatted some more with sam then kamara came and sat with us too. then sam left, we picnicked some more then nutter had to leave so we walked her to the bus stop then me and kamara chilled some more before catching the bus home.
pretty much a great day :) it was good to chill with nutter again :)

nsw lost origin. epic sad face. epic shame face really.

so yeah. ohh wanna hear my plan for tomorrow? im going to the library and getting some of the books from my list :) then im going to read them on the beach all day and at some point go visit other sarah to grab the schoolies deposit money off her. im glad i didnt have to ask cause id feel so rude. i hope i dont have to ask sister sarah.

if you have any books to suggest drop us a comment :)
sarah just epic sad faced me for putting the photos up on myspace :(
like i think she is epically cut at me :(
sorry sarah.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

just around the corner

i cant believe that i only have like 4 months or something until i graduate.
this year has flown by that quick.
its almost over.
and im completely terrified.
i keep on forgetting that everything is going to change. that im not going to see my best friends every day. that im going to have to work most days just to be able to support myself. that uni in crazily harder than school in every way possible. that ill have to start growing up.
i dont think about it too often but every now and then it hits me and i feel completely desperate to somehow make it last longer. its the worst feeling. like the best years of my life are slipping through my fingers.
i had one of those days today.
i hung out with rae, jamie, brent, tom, nick, both sarahs and anna today. and mel and tegan briefly.
through the whole day i was fine but when i got home and looked at the photos from today i had a moment.
but it was a great day :) i got a text from other sarah this morning at like 11 (waking me up) saying "beach??" which lead me to curse myself for not doing my washing last night. i text her back saying that i had chores and would call her when i was done.
so i jumped out of bed and got all my washing done in like under 2 hours. im just that good. so i called sarah who was at raes house picking up rae and jamie so other sarah, rae and jamie came to get me :) dancing and singing in the car the whole way of course :) it was halarious we were behind a dog-wash-tralier-thing and after being behind it for like 5 minutes other sarah exclaims out of no where "WHAT IS THAT THING IN FRONT OF US??" after we explained that it was shaped to look like a dog sarah was like "but it doesnt even look like one!" rae said "thats cause we're behind it" and other sarah realises what rae means "ohh" haha :) and there was a truck just chilling in both of the lanes at once accompanied with another exclamation from other sarah "WHAT IS THAT TRUCK DOING??" :) then we finally got to the beach to meet up wtih tom and nick who werent there haha. theyd left to take harry to the plaza. we met up with anna as well and sunbaked. other sarah, jamie and rae went to simplys for a visit and a pie then other sarah went to sister sarahs house to drive brent and sister sarahs to brents house so that brent could drive jamies car. yeah confusing, i know. somewhere in between other sarah leaving and coming back tom and nick came back. then mel and tegan came but they were acting really antisocial and left after like 10 minutes. then sister sarah and brent came. after chilling on the beach for a bit longer we decided to go to landmark cause the sun wasnt out anyways.
me, anna, tom, nick and the sarahs went up first cause the others were scared that there was too many people.
it was heaps of fun chilling in the spa. heres the photos :)

hi, im anna. have you met my legs?

shes so pretty

tom. these pictures dont even begin to do him justice.

this is just expected from brent.

rae has the most gorgeous laugh.
maybe thats how she looks so gorgeous doing it.

i love sarah. even if she did tell tom about Gilly Giant-Jugs.

again; gorgeous.

she would kill me if she knew that i put these up.

hahahaha. need i say more?

i love his pants.

comparing chest hair cause nicks is growing back since cole waxed it and tom just doesnt have any.

im actually not sure what im doing with my mouth in this photo.

the sarahs <3

i have such pretty facial expressions.

awwww; i love nick :)

blu-tak nipple stars; ahaha

then sister sarah had to go to work and other sarah had to go home to make dinner so she dropped me home on the way. i love people having their licences :)

mum and grace fought pretty soon after i got home :( mums being a bit ridiculous really.

i think im going to make a scrapbook of this year. record everything. i shall start as soon as i have money :)
well im meeting nutter tomorrow and i dont want to miss the bus so im going to get a good nights sleep.

rain rain go away

i hate rain.
like i really hate rain.
it just makes everything harder, miserable and cold.
i hate rain.
and its been pissing down all day.
i missed the bus cause i was looking for an umbrella.
i hate rain.
i had to run to and from the bus stop in it today.
thats right i ran.
i hate rain.

so yes as i said i missed the bus this morning so instead of seeing the hangover at 10:30 me and naomi saw it at 12:45.
i got there and we shopped.
well no naomi shopped really.
she got a really nice hoodie from cotton on. i want it.
i tried to return my sweater jacket thing today but i cant so i guess ill just have to wear it :)
we visited tom at terry whites and brought swine flu masks :)
i hate how i like him as much as i do.
its like whenever i see him, talk to him, even think of him my brain goes blank and i cant breathe and my mouth goes dry and my palms sweat and i get this stupid goofy smile on my face that i cant wipe off and i cant stop staring at his face he is just the most beautiful person ive ever seen and no matter what he says i giggle at it.
i hate it, im so embarrassing. and theres no way he doesnt notice.
ohh and i saw brad today.
i saw nails and dunny walking in the plaza but i didnt see brad and whenever i see nails i instantly look at the ground until hes gone past. instant reaction from when i was dating brad i guess. so they passed then i finally realised that brad might be with them so i turned around and he was. so he probably thought i was intentionally ingoring him whereas my plan i had for the first time i saw him was to say hi and try to start our friendship up again. so yeah thats ruined.
so me and naomi continued our shopping then went to the movies. we got our tickets torn, started walking up the isle then i turned around (for i dont know what reason) and saw them again.
we sat down in the movies, waiting for it to start and whatnot then they walk in. brad walks straight past me (isle seat and all) not making any eye contact.
so yeah i doubt we're going to be friends.
i can see his side of it though cause if he ignored me (unintentional or not) i would ignore him back.
so yeah.
and worse still i think i felt something today. oh dear.
i dont want anything. i cant have anything. no.
after the movie me and naomi went and chilled before walking her to her car.
then i met up with other sarah and yoshi and we hung out.
we visited tom again but it was better with other sarah cause she talks so much.
then we dropped yoshi home (via maccas haha) then she dropped me home :) shes so lovely.
then i slept.
now im blogging cause i cant sleep haha.

i really need to get over tom. its ruining our friendship and fucking with my head. im sick of having dreams of us being together then waking up and having everything shatter. it ruins my mornings.
and i really need to not like brad. thats just ridiculous.

im going to go download some musics to make me feel better.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

sunday the 21st

sorry about my incredibly depressing posts last night.
i just wasnt feeling myself.
leading to me feeling depressed and wanted to put my feelings into pictures.
i didnt have any of my own so they are from google and le love.
anyways on with today.

woke up later than usual, got ready late and left late.
graces makeup was halarious it was like an inch think haha.
i drove and picked up graces friend becky (btw its really frustrating having someone with the same name as you in the car) then went and picked up sister sarah.
drove to brisbane with only one major drama. i was just driving along then we got stuck behind a really slow driver and it took me forever to merge to get in front. ohh and when i was merging another time my seat belt came off therefore causing me to career all over the road for a moment in confusion. so two incidences really.
it was so cool going 110km/hr :) its incredibly fast :)
got to D.F.O later than expected, ran through the rain (ugh) decided our meeting times/places and me and sarah went shopping.
we met up with everyone for lunch then shopped more.

i brought great things and only went over my budget by $30 which i thought was pretty good considering i have $300 sitting in my account waiting for myer to get my ipod in.
heres what i got :)
3 pairs of ray ban rip offs from... im pretty sure it was bright eyes but i could be mistaken cause i cant find the receipt. now you may ask did i really need three pairs and the answer is well no not really but it was buy 2 get 1 free so i thought why not :) ones black with pink arms, ones white with pink arms and blue ones with yellow arms. they all have a black design on the arms thats got lines going up and along them. and they all came with cases :) all up $20
i got my ring from fuse silver for $20 and sterling silver too :) id explain it to you but its just too hard but its very nice and it goes on my ring finger on my right hand (therefore not married)
my shorts from seafolly for $10 reduced from $60 :D bargain bargain bargain. they're blue and white with the buttons in the middle but a belt that ties up on the side. they remind me of woodford and summer so much i cant wait for it to be warm again so i can wear them :)
a pair of earrings and a bracelet from charcoal for $6 again bargain :) the earrings are gold with a circle of pearl then a bird then a locket. so pretty. the bracelet is blue with silver beads, again kind of hard to explain.
i got a sweater kind of thing from cotton on for $20 but im not sure if im going to keep it cause i already have one like it and i need to be saving my dough right now. but anyways its white with blue on the ends of the sleeves, the bottom and down the buttons.
from icon i got a necklace for $2 and a wallet for $10. i love the necklace, every store me and sister sarah went into i looked at feather necklaces but they were all too expensive and then i saw this one for $2!! love it :) and the wallet i saw when we were then on our way back from the airport in january and i didnt have any money (having spent it all at woodford) and even after begging mum to buy it for me i didnt get it. and then today i got it! and it was $30 when i saw it in january :)
then we went back to charcoal cause sister sarah had seen a dress in there the first time we were in there but decided to leave it in case she found something better, which she didnt therefore the reason for us going back. as she was trying it on i found a really nice pair of jeans. id been trying on jeans all day and i had had the same problem in every single store. they would either fit really well on my waist with little or no overflow but be too baggy on my legs, making me look fat or they would fit my legs and be too tight on my waist with heaps of overflow, making me look fat. i was pretty downhearted by the end of the day but these jeans were just too nice to not try on. i tried them on and they fitted amazingly!! and they were so comfortable i felt like i could sleep in them! but they were $60 which is more than i like to spend on jeans and would mean that i would go over my budget. so i called mum and got her to meet us to get her opinion. she didnt like them very much but she doesnt like skinnys in general. she got me another pair to try on that were cheaper but they werent as nice so me and sister sarah rocked off to see whether i should get them. i won therefore i got them :)
total spending = $128
i was only meant to spend $100 max but it just means ill have to wait another week for my ipod. it was worth it :)
then we drove home, got lost for a bit cause mum wasnt directing well but we got there in the end. dropped sister sarah and becky home then we went home and showed everyone else our stuff. grace spent her money on the most stupid things $45 for three pairs of under ware that are ugly. oh well it makes me happy haha. my jeans were too long so i showed mum and she cut them, but she cut them just that little bit too short which i was actually really sad about for quite a bit. i was trying not to act cut at mum cause it wasnt really her fault and she felt really bad but i think she knew i was cut anyways.
then i fell asleep on the couch and woke up to a phone call from other sarah. it pretty much went "we're going to grab you and steffs present and go to steffs house to give it to her. me and sarah will be at your house in three minutes" so i ran, got into my jeans, grabbed steffs present and they were at my house. sarahs new car is nice, its not as love able as the bubble but its nice and its flashy :) we drove to steffs, gave her her present and chilled for a bit before going home via maccas :) (which sarah stalled at LOL) they both said my jeans were really nice, they didnt say anything about the length so im hoping its one of those things you only notice once you've been told kinda things.

im rather excited for tomorrow im going to see the hangover with nomi :)
and ive gotta be up super dooper early (well 7 but thats early on the holidays) cause she has to work in the afternoon so we have to catch the first movie. then we're going to "do lunch"
haha i love her so :)
nighty night xx
ohh p.s. i shall no doubt take photos of all my lovely things that i brought today and put them up soon :)

i know its stupid but i cant help thinking that



i know that

im the odd one out.
and i wouldnt be friends with me if i was someone else.

sometimes i feel


Saturday, June 20, 2009

11:59 pm

well at least im not addicted enough to be blogging after 12 right? :)

i went to aimees yesterday.
we went to the shop and made sherbet.
we were meant to get baking soda but instead we got bicarb baking soda.
i mean "it cant be that much different, right?" wrong.
so it made our sherbet fizz to the max.
it was halarious :)
we had spag bol for dinner which was good.
we watched two of the scariest movies ive ever seen (my bloody valentine and the american haunting) and one really bad one (b.t.k).
jumped an unbelievable amount of times in my bloody valentine.
and the american haunting is true which makes it terrifying.
then we went to bed, woke up and mum offered to pick me up.

i drove to work and worked.
work wasnt very fun :(
but we had a drunk man who de-panted himself infront of us and everyone else in the store.
freaking halarious.
then home and chill.

then other sarah called saying that she had a place for schoolies!!
it was $500 for the week, 100m from cavil and 200m from the beach and it was awesome.
we got fully excited and talked for ages cause we had to wait for sister sarah to finish work to make sure she was cool with it too.
we called, she was and we went to book and.... someone had booked it!
within like the hour that we had waited someone took the last room!
so we looked some more and found one thats $100 more buts still as close to the beach and cavil.
just not as awesome rules and we're on the other side now but still in the same area.
ohh well at least its booked!
step one complete!
fully happy :)
we paid the deposit on mums credit card so everything is set :)
fully stoaked :)

tomorrow im d.f.oing it and sarah is coming along cause grace got to bring a friend.
im rather excited cause im driving there :)
which means i should probably get some sleep.
night all xx

Friday, June 19, 2009

i should be

cleaning my room.
but blogging is better :)

i slept in until 11:30ish.
im going to aimees today/tonight for a movie night :)
i love swine flu :)

yesterday was pretty good.
i did my enligsh exam which i either rocked or failed.
i finished the exam 50 minutes early which im not sure is a good thing or a bad thing.
i checked for spelling and punctuation and the criteria and everything.
oh well its all in the hands of god now.
and mrs oconnor :)
it was so boring though they made me sit in there for the whole two hours.
gahhh silly school with its rules.
that i dont have to care about for the next three weeks!!
i love swine flu :)

i have been trying to download girls and boys and marsupials for like two days now and every single one is corrupted.
it makes me angry :l
but then i think of swine flu :)

me and zack talked yesterday in person and on msn.
and everything is good :)
aimee told me shes known for ages and just didnt bother to tell me! rahhhh.
she found out through morghan cause she was trying to set him up with people and he was like "i like bec" kinda thing.
but im glad i only found out now.
cause otherwise i would have been weird a while ago.
but its okay to be weird now cause ive got three weeks to get over it :)
i love swine flu :)

i have a confession.
i think i might actually like the twilight movies since reading the books.
i think i might actually love them.
i feel dirty for just writing that.
i could never say it out loud.
so it'll just be our little secret ;)
haha i sound like a child abuser :S

well i have nothing else interesting to write.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

oink oink

its my school has swine flu.
not even kidding.
this is the best thing ever.
the day before my maths exam, my drama practice and my legal speach.
none of which i was ready for and now have three weeks to prepare for.
me and aimee went completely crazy when we found out.
we threw down our maths revision and started screaming.
i love life.
i honestly have never been happier.
i feel fantastic.
and i cant stop dancing so im leaving the blog here.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

one last post before bed

jack (from my primary school jack) and me are meeting up on the holidays. like as in a date.
i dont know if im excited or scared. i think im scared.
im no good at the whole sober thing. i mean brads the only person ive ever kissed sober. lame, i know.
i have his number. i probably wont end up using it. cause im lame.
but he seemed pretty excited that we were going to meet up.
oh dear.

i talked to zack and all is good, no love confessions, not even any weird vibes. so yay :)

i just downloaded a shit-ton of music instead of studying for my english exam which is tomorrow or my maths which is friday.
i need to learn time-management.

and now im going to bed.
nighty night xx

p.s. sorry for all the unnecessary bolding. i do it when im stressed.
p.p.s. i want someone to love me. i want someone to say that im their everything, i want someone to have a photo of me on their myspace, i want someone to write me notes and leave them for to find around the place, i want someone to send me good morning texts. i want to be loved.


white nights festival.
i want to go.

its an annual arts festival in russia that goes from the 21st of June til mid July. it has classical ballet, opera and music events and has performances from russian dancers, singers and actors and has famous guests. annual attendance is around 1 million people.
where the festival is held.
i love the nightlife.
fireworks,and water fountains.
what more could you need?

its an annual arts festival in russia that goes from the 21st of June til mid July. it has classical ballet, opera and music events and has performances from russian dancers, singers and actors and has famous guests. annual attendance in around 1 million people.
now whoose coming with me?