Sunday, September 27, 2009

music music music

i dont think ive mentioned this but my ipods been stolen :( yeah my fault for leaving it in my bag at school. still sad about it though.
and now im downloading heaps of music and i want to put it on my ipod but i cant :(


thursday i worked. then i went to aimees and had a scary movie night :) it was much fun. i do love her :) we talked about the whole morghan thing and we've pretty much decided that morghan is her nutter. and the movies were scary :)

i slept pretty much the whole of friday. i was going to go to the beach but then i fell asleep :D at around two riess called and invited me over for pre-drinks at his. so i went at around 4 and him and ron ron were already on the way to being drunk. it was good fun :) we went to the shops and saw toms mum on the way. good work boys having drinks in their hands :) riess was highly violent it was halarious. omg then angie, leisle and jenna met us at the shops. i like leisle and jenna. i hate angie. arghh shes so frustrating. riess had a plan to be rude to her all night then be nice to her at the end and see if she would have sex with him then if he succeeded he would tell her to leave afterwards. he was mean to her at the start which was halarious :) and we came back to riesses to get stuff and i met his family. they are so just not english. they're great :) then we walked back to the shops to meet sarah and josh cause they were the ones taking us to joshes to watch parra play. we got there and started drinking :) it was so much fun at joshes and watching parra play. score was 22-12 to parra by the way :) riess cried when they won it was the cutest thing ive ever seen :) it was the best game. go parra :) then we danced and what not. ohh and tom came :) it was a bit awkward to start with and then he was being really antisocial when parra was playing but after that he cheered up :) and then it wasnt awkward anymore cause i was drunk :) and me and josh were texting. i think i might have mentioned that he liked me. but yeh. and i told him that i didnt like him but that was because i dont know him but that i would like to know him. oh dear bec. its true but i dont want a relationship at the moment and i think hes a bit that way. but i did tell him that as well so at least thats something. then riess came up and told me that tom was keen :) and he was :) haha when we kissed riess started cheering :) then we went for a talk in the study and we talked about the whole ben thing and fixed it. i told him about my theory on pity sex and he thought it was funny :) hahaha riess and sarah were spying on us when we were in the study and they thought they were sneaky but we knew they were there the entire time :) so yeah we sorted thing out :) we were going to make a trip to the lanos but we didnt in the end. and me and riess played rugby :) then the sarahs joined in :) it was so much fun :) and at one point i tackled riess!! like a proper tackle to the ground! and it wasnt like a tackle where i got dragged along and then got him to the ground i just bowled him over! im so one of the boys :) riess failed in his plan to be mean to angie but she still got upset cause he would say that he wanted to date her then he would tell her to leave and stuff. oh well. i was actually nice to her for a bit. go me. and we ordered pizza :) riess invited the pizza guy to come in and he said he couldnt cause he still had to work until 1:30 so riess told him to come back once he finished. guess what? he did!! i would never do that!! he was a bit strange and it was mighty awkward that he was there. his name was fred smith haha. we eventually went to bed or to the couch i guess. me and tom were kissing and cuddling and we must have been loud cause ron ron and riess made jokes about it :) awwww poor ron ron he got up and vommit in the toilet. with the door open haha. then we eventually got to sleep.

today i woke up and felt like shit. we went to maccas for breakfast then to sister sarahs so she could get ready for work then to the plaza. me and other sarah chilled before she went to work and i was dying. work was death. like actual death. nic was a bit angry but oh well. sarian was fun as per usual :) and his brother chilled with us all day cause he was bored. hes nice :) then home and sleep :) and now i cant sleep cause i slept too much before. i talked to josh before and it was mighty awkward :/ i dont even know why though cause we were just talking about normal stuff.

im mighty happy about things being good with tom. even just the friend side. the other stuff is just a bonus :) ron ron called nutter some time last night off my phone last night. im pretty sure he abused her. and she called me today but i was at work so i text her when i finished and she didnt text back. oh well.

now im gong to attempt to go to bed.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

catch up

so i havent blogged in a while but everything was lame so i didnt really feel like bringing everyone down with my lameness. but everything is better now so ill blog :)

so saturday i went to the beach with ron ron, riess, steph and sister sarah :) my god it was amazing. i was chilling with ron ron and riess first and it was so good chilling with them :) i like that i can chill with them on my own cause i was a bit worried that their acceptance of me was through tom but now i know it isnt :) then me and sister sarah left to go see 500 days of summer :) omg its great :) then we picked up jamie, came back to mine and got ready for jess lees party. jesses was so much fun :) i wasnt really enjoying myself to start with cause i had to keep on looking after nutter but then me and maddie talked. she said "you dont look happy" and i said "im not really" she asked "why?" and i said "nutter" so she said "drink more!" so i did :) then it was much fun :) and marcus came!! he was like the life of the party it was great :) and im pretty sure i talked to other sarahs mum drunk :P and i got rhysiepoo and cj to dance :) man katie was so smashed she was the biggest mess. same with tash. same with mark. and ellie drank! and so did maddie! aimee and morghan were really messy like as soon as they got there and then morghan hooked up with corey so aimee started crying cause aimee liked corey (which morghan knew) so that was pretty bad. aimee had the best quote though she said "i dont want to be a rachelle!" cause rachelle always crys at every party. and i chilled with josh heaps. like pretty much the whole night. and we kissed :) nutter spent pretty much the whole night crying cause of jake and fingers but i really just didnt give a shit after a while. at the start of the night i asked her about the whole situation and she lied but when i asked her when she was drunk and she told me the truth. later on she left the party and i went after her cause she was drunk and crying and she told me to fuck off so i went back to jesses and started bawling my eyes out. tamika and todd found me and they were so lovely they made me feel so much better :) other events of the night include chilling with brae heaps, rhys and sarah wearing the same jacket, josh and sam getting marcus drunk, telling rachelle that nutter calls her "whore" behind her back, other sarah making me feel better by putting sexy bitch on, scabbing drinks just to see if i could and telling tory that she needs better deoderant. then we started walking back home (we being me, the sarahs, jamie and marcus). we sung london underground the whole way home as loud as possible :) and made cheese toasties :) then jake called saying him and brae had no where to stay (id offered before i left) so me and other sarah went to get them. i love brae hes so funny :) then we were chilling in my kitchen and nutter calls saying things like oh yeah im just walking i dont know where i am (she also got angry at me for inviting jake back to my house) so obviously she was asking without asking to stay at mine so we went to get her. the sleeping arrangements once she got back were like this: me in graces bed with her, nutter jake other sarah and brae in my room, jamie and marcus in the spare room and sister sarah on my couch. holy awkward. i was almost asleep then i heard nutter leave so i followed her. she said she left because jake was being mean to her so i walked her most of the way back to jesses. then as soon as i got back jake left to get her. then they all finally went to bed at about 4 am.

on sunday i got up at something ridiculous like 6:30 am and chilled with marcus in my lounge room. he was so fragile the poor boy. then brae and the sarahs got up so we chilled and chatted :) sister sarah left for work then mum got up and took me and other sarah to maccas to get breakfast for everyone :) then jamie got up and we chilled more. then jamie, marcus and other sarah left and i went to wake up nutter and jake. they had slept in my bed and when i went to wake them up she was in just her bra and underware so im pretty sure they had sex. i was so pissed. they got up and it was so awkward just chilling there me nutter jake and brae. me and brae couldnt look at each other cause every time we did we would just start laughing cause it was so awkward. then they left and i went to the beach to meet up with morghan and corey. also awkward. then ron ron, riess and adam joined us and morghan and corey left. it was so good chilling with the boys again :) they had had drinks at riesses the night before and ron ron had invited these 15 year old girls along. the boys spent so long bitching about them then they turned up. when the boys were bitching i was thinking that these girls couldnt be as bad as the boys were saying but they were. omfg they were so annoying! riess was so sick of this girl angie, she was like all over him last night and was still trying to be then and he was not impressed. he kept making sly comments all day. some funny parts include riess swimming about half way to the shark nets and watching angie follow, angie trying to get riess to support her and him pushing her under, riess swimming over to me and supporting me, riess paying angie out for making him hold her hand while she peed last night then saying "but atleast you didnt piss in my garden, oh wait yes you did!" when riess went to go home he was like "bec do you want a lift?" and i said "if you dont mind" so he says "no worries. well i guess my cars full. by girls" angies face was just pure devestation. she text ron ron as we left saying something like "we were together all last night and this morning he pretends it didnt happen what a dog" so i asked riess what happened between them last night and he said "we kissed once" LOL. on the way home me and riess had good chats about the whole tom thing and he said that tom will get over it and everything will be fine again. we talked about other sarah and from that talk i got the idea that he doesnt want anything to happen there. sunday night i found out that josh likes me. how the fuck can he like me we've hung out like twice this entire year!!

monday i went to nutters house and we made carrot cake. we talked about everything and she gave me the whole truth. well i think the whole truth anyways. i tried to show and to tell her that i was angry with her but i feel like my engery was kind of wasted cause everything just seems like a joke with her. then i went home before other sarah picked me and sister sarah up and we went to her house. we chilled a bit before sleeping and they let me vent about nutter :) i really dont know what i would do without them :)

tuesday me and the sarahs went to the d.f.o to shop :) the drive down was so much fun :) i cant wait for schoolies :) the d.f.o was so good i got really nice things :) i got seafolly togs ($116), a dress from some shop ($10), a dress from another shop ($40), a dress from dotti ($10), bicycle sunnies from jay jays ($10), aviators (free cause there was a buy two get one free deal that the sarahs did), my formal shoes from some shop ($55)(reduced from $149 :)) and a ring from strutt ($20). sorry about not putting the shop names in but i cant be bothered going to my room to check. one of the most genius things i did was put on the $40 dress backwards first and not realise until i took it off and put it back on the hanger then wondered why the tag was on the front. the drive home was a lot more quiet we were all pretty tired. we called riess on our way home and found out that he was at home so we swung by to give riess his presents. i dont know if i mentioned this but ron ron has been telling riess that hes going to steal the salt and pepper shakers from hogs breath for riesses birthday cause they are corona bottles and riess loves corona. so when me and other sarah were at hogs breath last week we kind of thought "hey lets do it first" so we did and we gave them to him yesterday :) he was so stoaked :) me and other sarah went to see 500 days of summer :) it was still good the second time around :) and we saw the creek boys and we've decided we only like luke and riley because they are the only ones that talk to us! and we saw jess lee and crew and found out that nutter isnt going to schoolies with them anymore cause of the whole fingers and jake thing.

today i had to work from 7 to 10 which wasnt too bad cause at least i could still do something today even if i had to get up early. i went to work then other sarah picked me up, we picked up corbo and sister sarah then we went to the beach. it was okay at the beach alittle over cast. then we decided it would be nicer if we went to raes house and sat around her pool so we did :) it was nice to see rae again :) her and corbo would be so cute together :) then we went to leave and realised that a dust storm was over the coast. it was freaking intense you couldnt even see buderim hill when we were at my house!! me and josh are talking. i really want to hang out with him but i know that i shouldnt cause i dont want to lead him on. but i dont know if i would be leading him on. hes really interesting and i really enjoy talking to him. oh dear. ohh and tom came back today. we still havent talked. oh well. im sure things will be fine.

well thats everything :)

Friday, September 18, 2009

everything is shit

so i know i havent written much on here about the whole nutter, jake and fingers story so im going to lay it all out cause otherwise i might explode all over my laptop screen.

so nutter and jake have been going out for about a year now. about half way through their relationship nutter broke up with jake to go out with tom. when she was going out with tom heaps of people including my friends said that she was cheating on tom. people also said that she still liked jake when they were together and told jake so all the time. i stood up for her and lost a fair few friendships by doing so. she saw how upset i was that i had lost people. when i cheated on brad she was angry at me. then a couple of months ago i found out she had cheated on tom with three separate people. and told jake that she loved him all the time. i decided to let it go it was half a year ago theres nothing i could do about it now and besides i had gained my friendships back. about two months ago she started hanging out with fingers and i told jake he had nothing to worry about that it wouldnt be a repeat of tom. i promised. soon after jake and nutter started having problems and broke up. she continued hanging out with fingers and jake but she told me she wasnt doing anything with either of them. for a bit there she was happy, like happier than i had seen her in a long time, like when we first became friends. her and fingers were hanging out more and more and i asked her if anything had happened and she said it hadnt. i had the feeling that fingers liked nutter and she flirted with him all the time. nutter told me that jake was being jealous and was stalking her and things. then jake took rhys' football and gave it to a junior that ran off with it. rhys eventually got it back and then he egg and flowered jakes car. nutter went to samaha and told him that rhys egged jakes car. rhys obviously denyed it cause otherwise it would get him suspended or expelled. jake continued his grudge against rhys and fingers. nutter and jake started having sex again and pretty much acting like a couple but every time i talked to her she said that she didnt want it to be like that with him and she had said that to him he just didnt listen. she always made it seem like if they had sex it just sort of happened. because her and fingers had been hanging out so much i asked her straight out to her face what had happened between them and she said they had only kissed. she then went on to say that fingers isnt the kind of person that you would have sex with. i asked her if jake liked her and she said yes. i asked her if he knew that she didnt like him and she said yes and i asked if she was encouraging him in any way to which she replied no. a couple of days later she told me that jake had broken everything off with them and that he had been abusing her and saying mean things to her. i told her she was better off without him and she said she wanted to get back with him. then i was talking to fingers and he told me all these things about nutter how she had said that she was going to break up with jake for him and once they had broken up she said that they didnt do anything and that she liked him 100% and stuff. also the whole time nutter had been telling jake exactly the same things. and it wasnt just fingers and jake saying this stuff. there were msn conversations, texts and people to back it up. then today rhys and fingers said they had more stuff to tell me so they added me on msn. this is what rhys said: well what happened was nutter told fingers she broke up with jake and liked him instead. which we found out was a lie cause she said the same shit to jake. but what jake didnt know was that nutter and fingers had sex like 3 times that i know of. so she cheated on jake and he didnt know. and now aparently she's pregnant. and we now know that she lied to fingers as well cause she was having sex with jake at same time and we were talking to him today and he said sometimes he didnt use a condom so yeah. and the worst part is she's still denying everything and lieing to jake and is acting like nothing happened and apparently its like the second time she's cheated on him. the whole time i had been defending her and fighting with my friends cause they said that nutter was doing all that stuff but i never thought she would have. not after last time. i asked her straight out what her and fingers had done and she lied to my face. her periods three weeks late and the pregnancy test she took was positive. and she doesnt believe in abortion. and she doesnt know whoose it is. and she told all this to fingers but not to jake. not to me either. its been going on for three weeks and she hasnt told me. its not like there wasnt oppourtunity or anything. im meant to be her best friend shes supposed to tell me things. not lie straight to my face. its the tom situation all over again im just not stupid enough to listen to her this time. i cant believe i had to hear it from fingers and rhys. im at the point where its who i want to believe vs. who it makes sense to believe. i really hope she hasnt lied about being pregnant cause that would be a new low even for nutter. it makes more sense that she would be lying to jake about it cause she wants to get back with him.
i dont even know how to handle all this.
im blown away by everything.
i dont know what to believe anymore.
i feel so stupid.
im so angry.
i feel used.
deffinetly betrayed.
i dont know why she couldnt trust me.
now im going to bed. i doubt im going to sleep though.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


beach day today :)
with the creek boys :)
i love them muchly :)

me and mum got into a fight before i left. she starting talking about uni which always ends in a fight. i know that she wants the best for me and all (or well i would hope she does) but she doesnt give a shit what i want. and that shits me. she just brings out the worst in me. so yeah we started talking about uni and cause i dont know what im going to do next year ive pretty much decided that im not going to start uni next semester which mums not happy with. so she started accusing me of not wanting to go to uni cause i just want to bludge and then started accusing me of doing that right now. so she asked me "what are you doing at the moment?" and i answered "im on holidays" then she went on more about bludging so i asked her "what are you doing at the moment?" she doesnt even have a freaking job i wasnt going to sit there and let her abuse me for not doing anything. so yeah that didnt go down well. oh well i dont really care.

the beach was so amazingly great :) i missed it so much :) i could have stayed out in the water all day if i had someone to stay with. i miss how much more amazing the beach was when i was little. well no actually the beach is still just as amazing for me i just dont have anyone to play with anymore :( i miss playing that over and under game where you would stand up for as long as possible to decided whether you were going to go over or under the wave :) and the egg game :) and just everything. its still pretty great now though :) even though i put sunscreen on i got burnt :/ silly bec not reapplying more times.

other sarah came home with me, i got ready at home, we went to other sarahs, she got ready, we dropped sister sarahs phone and wallet in at her work then went to hoggs breath for jess lees 18th dinner :) we were early so we walked to gloria jeans and saw stuart and jesse along the way :) then back to hoggs breath and to dinner :) jesses dinner was really nice other sarah paid for me cause i dont have any money until dad pays me back. fingers was at dinner and so was nutter. holy awkward. and for god knows what reason she sat at the table with him at it. she didnt order anything for dinner so i asked her later and she told me that it hurts to eat again. then later on again we were talking and she told me that if she looses another five kilograms shes going to be admitted to hospital. i havent mentioned it before (cause it hasnt been important) but nutter used to be annorexic. im so terrified. i feel so bad i kenw that she was getting thinner and thinner but i didnt think it was as bad as it is. i should have been paying more attention i should have noticed. i dont know what to do. i managed to talk about it to other sarah briefly cause i just needed someone to break down to for a minute. shes amazing. then back to the party. i got fingers and rhys to tell me their side of the story to see how things are and as much as i love nutter im inclined to believe their side. it just sounds so much like the thing with tom last year. sarah and rhys were my cuddle people cause i was so close to loosing everything. nutter and fingers went outside to talk for a bit at the end and when we came out she was crying :( so i comforted her, got todd to tell me his side then other sarah dropped me home.

when i got home i found out grace has run away from home. she'd walked to beckys which is ages away. but at least i know that shes there and shes safe. i cannot believe how blazae mum was being about it. she wouldnt even tell me what happened. i hate her.

why is everything shit? before the weekend i had nutter as my healthy best friend, i had tom as my fuck buddy, i had my relationship with mum getting better and i had grace at home. it was awesome. now everything is just ruined. i hate everything.

Monday, September 14, 2009

hello holidays

yepp officially on holidays :)
its rather fantastic :)

so exams day two went okay. stressed about legal a bit before we went in. ive decided that alls i do when im stressed is get loud and swear. but i took notes in and since we have stupid teachers i looked at them all the time :) so hopefully i went well otherwise thats embarrassing.

friday night i went to work and sarian was working. oh dear i think i have a bit of a crush. not that anything could ever or would ever happen. ive got to get over it asap. after work i went to the movies with other sarah, riess and ron ron to see funny people. or happy people as other sarah called it :) we went to maccas afterwards (of course) and nutter was there. with people i dislike. so i didnt sit with her. but i think even if she was sitting with people that i liked i wouldnt have sat with her. i dont think shes my best friend anymore. in fact i think that stopped when she started choosing jake over me. its just taken me this long to realise it. then other sarah drove me home :)
the sarahs are most deffinetly my best friends :)

saturday i worked in the morning, shopped and chilled a little in the afternoon, came home and cleaned then went to riesses for pre-drinks. that was fun. his house is so nice :) then we made our way to bens. to be honest i dont feel like going through the details of saturday night it makes me feel sick just thinking about it. basically i got worse than too drunk, tom said he didnt want to have sex with me, i started crying for god knows what reason, tom freaked out and said that i was too attached, tom left, tom came back, i sobered up, i appologised, tom didnt really talk to me the rest of the night, tom kissed immy, tom felt bad, tom left.
so basically ive fucked everything up with tom. i dont even care about the sex side of it i feel like crying everytime i think about not being his friend anymore. i would give up our physical side in a heartbeat if we could be friends.
one good thing about saturday night though was bringing drunk other sarah home. and making cheese toasties :) i do love her dearly :) and it was cool that mum was cool about me bringing her home :)

sunday we woke up, chilled with mum, drove other sarah back to her car, drove to sister sarahs house to get my phone, came back home, slept then got ready to go to nutters. ohh and i texted tom an appology but he didnt reply. i was meant to go to nutters at 4 but at 3:30 i got a text from her saying "mum wants me to do shit can you come over at 6?" so i waited and came over at 6. i drove up and saw jakes car out the front. fuck. not only did she blow me off for him she lied about it. her mum let me into the house and as i was walking down the corridor to her room i heard her say to him "just jump out the window" gosh she is a bitch. so i came around the corner and of course shes in her underware with jake doing his pants up. let me remind you they are broken up. and hes still in love with her and she doesnt love him. fuck fuck fuck. i dont even like jake and i feel bad for him. we went to rangoli for dinner which was nice. and we talked more and i found out that fingers likes her and she said she has no feelings for him whatsoever.

today we got up and went to school. i did my film, the sarahs went to their exam and i chilled with cj and geln. i had really good talks with glen about the tom situation and he said to just wait and let him sort his head out. i love glen :) then cj told me that nutter has told fingers that she broke up wiith jake for fingers. fuck fuck fuck! i dont know how could you do that to someone! and shes doing it to two people! at least! gahhhhhh!! then other sarah finished her exam and we went to the beach. immy was at the beach so we chatted to her for a bit. she had her little sister with her, shes hell cute :) now i do just want to clear up that i dont have any bad feelings towards immy. i mean ive hooked up with boys since me and tom have been having sex. and i also have no bad feelings against tom. before i got drunk i was thinking that i didnt want to have sex either cause harry was there and that made me feel weird. who knows what i was thinking when i was drunk. i certainly dont know. i cant believe that i cried though. thats up there with some of the worst things ive ever done when im drunk. its really embarrassing and i look really obsessive and desperate. which im not. i can and do sepparate having sex with tom and liking tom. so yeah i really dont know why i cried. anyways back to the beach. we chatted with immy then went to lie down. then we saw nick :) hes lovely :) later on we saw riley and emily, then haden alistair and julian came too :) eventually everyone left and then we did too. me and other sarah went shopping along mooloolaba and there were so many nice things. its so depressing shopping when you have no money :( then sister sarah joined us and we chilled for a bit before going home. yewww car chill seshes :) then home. tom came online for a while but he didnt talk to me :/ but i gave him space i didnt say anything. then other sarah came to my door and invited me to maccas with her and scotty :) so we chilled at maccas :) they would make the cutest couple i swear :) me and scotty had mega fun paying other sarah out :) then she dropped me home, i saw tom was still online, we still didnt talk and he signed off. fuck fuck fuck. he hates me. or even if he doesnt hate me he doesnt want to be friends. i ruin everything. fuck.

anyways thats whats up.
p.s. im so lucky i have the sarahs. you have no idea how much i want to stay in my bed tomorrow and just feel sorry for myself but they wouldnt let me do that. even if i managed to lie to them tomorrow i wouldnt be able to keep it secret for much longer than that. they're the only ones that have looked after me even when i dont ask for it. i love them.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

exams day one

i had my english and maths exams today.
it was pretty okay.
i much prefer exam block than school days. and i much prefer the time inbetween exams than the actual exams.
i do just love how everyone chills together. you get to talk with people you wouldnt normally talk to. it makes you realise that theres no real reason as to why you dont normally talk to them. just cause they arent in your class or in your friendship group doesnt mean they arent great people. im going to make more effort to talk to these people. after all theres only one more exam block. ever.
my phone went off during my maths exam. "im a tits and ass man" ive been told i should change my ringtone. one part of me wants to change my it cause its moderately embarrassing. the other part of me doesnt want to change it cause its moderately embarrassing.
everybody deserves a bit of embarrassment. its keeps people real.
i have my legal exam tomorrow and the silly subteacher hasnt given us the revision sheet. so i dont know what else i can do but write notes. so thats what ill do. possibly after reading qtac. i think its about time to start deciding my life. how exciting :)
im working tomorrow which is nice. my ipod got stolen from my bag yesterday so im quite keen to have moneys to buy a new one. what a waste of money. oh well my fault i guess. i do still feel a little angry though. whyfore does the library bag racks not have cameras on them?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

im so fully stoaked

so i did some graduation and schoolies totals awhile back.
heres what i was thinking.

heres what im thinking now.

dress ✓
shoes = $70
hair and makeup = $70
accessories = $50
transport = $50

total = $240

room = $520
food = $100 - $150
alcohol = $200 - $250
clothes = $200 - $250
petrol = $50

total = $1260 - $1410

complete total = $1310 - $1440

anz bank = $1150
child support = $150 - $200
work = $300 - $500

total = $1600 - $1850

im going to have like atleast $200 spare for whatever i like!! if not more!! thats amazing!! and im meant to be going to the dfo with the sarahs sometime in the next two weeks and i was thinking that i wouldnt have any money to spend there but i do!! which is great cause i want new togs and new clothes :) yay :)

today i was looking at the clouds and they were real pretty so i started wondering what made clouds and such things. then i started thinking hey maybe theres a career in clouds cause careers are pretty much all thats on my mind at the moment but i decided that i would get bored with that eventually. i would learn about it and the magic would be gone. which makes me really worrried cause regardless what i end up doing im eventually not going to be able to learn any more about it. i love learning its my best skill and my favourite part about school. but you cant learn as a career!!! arghh!!! i hate deciding my life. its really quite stressful. but oh wells.

im talking to andrew who i havent talked to in about a million years :) its nice. hes deferred a year from uni cause its just so hectic which makes me feel better cause he was like the smart one :)

me and the sarahs hung out with hannah today at the plaza. it was nice to chill with her again :) shes halarious :)

last night me and sister sarah went to other sarahs house to practice our english (which we performed today and totally rocked :)) and it was so good to have sarah-sarah-bec time again :) i missed them muchly :)

im so ready for this term to be over. i have an epic day of maths study tomorrow plus writting out notes for my english and getting quotes. then thursday i have my english exam on macbeth first up, a session to study for maths then my maths exam. then home and study for my legal. then friday a session of study before my legal test. then im all done! ohh and somewhere in there ive got to get my film done. omg today we had mr harris (the other legal teacher) come into our class and teach us cause hes the one thats marking our exam since mrs richter is on holidays. hes so good! he explained everything we need to do for our exam and so much of it we hadnt even heard of before! we're so lucky he came in :)

sorry that my blogging is all over the place tonight. it quite resembles my brain at the moment. im sure that if you opened my head you would see either spaghetti or mashed potato. maybe combo of both :)

night all xx

Monday, September 7, 2009

a really good question.
i really dont know.
maybe. some days.

anyhoo i know ive been rather absent lately but last week was just heavy and i didnt really feel too good. but i went out this weekend and im feeling all rejuvinated and fresh :) woo :)
the second day of qcs was okay. not as good as the first. but it was never going to be cause the only one i actually like is the writting task. the breakfast was fun though :)
thursday was okay. i went to the plaza to try to order in my formal dress but found out they didnt have it in my size anywhere :( but it was okay cause i chilled with jess lee and other sarah :)

friday was good. i went to the plaza and showed the 10 of my formal dress (that i thought was too big) to mum and it fitted!! so i put it on hold :)
friday night i had two plans, two places to be :) one was at rickys and then the boys were going to a party after but i didnt know the person. the second was watching parra at ron rons :) so we did both :) other sarah picked me up on her way home from the movies with max and sam, we got ready at hers, picked adam up, got him to buy us and ron ron/riesses drinks then went to rickys. chilled there for a bit, it was okay. the whole time we were convincing tom to go to ron rons even though he had a uni exam the next day. haha we were texting off other sarahs phone pretending that i didnt know that they were texting so when tom called while other sarah was driving, i answered, started trying to convince him to come then he said 'i cant just come to aarons to have sex with you its rude" i was a bit stumped as to what to say. i mean i couldnt tell him that i had known what other sarah was saying i didnt want to sound desperate but i did want him to come. so i pretended i knew nothing and convinced him to come :) so we went to ron rons and found out parra lost :( 33 - nil :( then tom came and the boys started wanting to know what other sarah had been texting tom. these incluse "becs monthly starts tomorrow" so the boys asked about that for a bit. then we drank :) it was really quite great i got drunk really quickly off our malibu and the boys drinks (which i payed for anyway) and then sister sarah turned up :) there were epic massages going on with the boys and the sarahs it was quite funny :) then tom and riess started boxing like they always do. it was mental! once tom needed to sit down i decided i wanted to go and even though i didnt hurt riess it was still really fun. my top kept on falling down though. woops. then riess got a couple of hits in and i decided i needed to sit down :) im glad he wasnt afraid to hit me :) im deffinetly one of the boys :) and me and other sarah took some pretty great photos on ron rons camera :) and me and the sarahs quoted our shakespeare soliloquy's :) we are pretty great :) after that i dont really remember much haha. i was on top of tom kissing at one stage which was a bit embarrassing once i realised what i was doing. and i boxed some more :) then it was bed time so me and tom went to ron rons spare room :) he hadnt even drunk much which makes me feel good :) it was the most amazing time yet. like omg wow. i cant even explain it. 7 orgasms :) and we had a condom and it broke! im beginning to ask myself why we bother using them?! tom is just amazing :) and of course i had to finish tom off as per usual :) then we were talking and i brought up the whole riess and other sarah situation (i dont know if ive mentioned this, riess and other sarah kissed last weekend so me and sister sarah have been trying to set up a friends with benefits thing like me and tom have between them) and i found out that tom didnt even know that they had kissed! riess would be the last person i would expect to be a gentleman! and i also found out that ron ron might still like other sarah so the riess and other sarah plan might not work :( then he was going to go home cause of uni and everything but the boys convinced him to stay :) so we fell asleep cuddling :)

saturday i woke up and turned over to get more cuddles... and tom wasnt there! i felt so bad that i didnt wake up when he got out of bed! soon after other sarah came in and we chatted :) then we got sister sarah up, said bye to the boys, went to sister sarahs house, got ready, went to my house to get warmed clothes for work, went to maccas for breakfast then worked :) other sarah visited me for a while at work it was nice :) me and sarian were both hungover it was quite halarious :) then again it always is with him :) on my break at lunch i brought my formal dress :) its so pretty ill have to take a photo asap :) and i showed everyone from work, they were all stoaked :) katie said it was "sexy" *blushes* i was so exhausted when i finished work. dad picked me up, we went to mums to get our stuff and then to dads. i tried on my formal dress and showed everyone. they said it was nice :) im glad dad liked it since he was paying for it :) then i went to bed and only meant to sleep for an hour but i managed to sleep the entire night.

today i got up, gave dad his fathers day present (colonge from rivers), got ready for work and went to work. i was so mega stoaked that i was working with chloe cause i havent seen her in like forever :) and sarian was covering for sasha, i dont know why, but it was good to see him again :) and i brought my dress in to show jenny and sasha which i did (minus sasha). then work. it was okay, fun when i was with people. me and sarian had mad talks about what we're going to do when we grow up and school and stuff. and about mum/grace. it was lovely :) and he made plenty of jokes as well :) i love him dearly :) i really wish either he was my age or i was over 18 he would be the greatest guy to party with :) and i met chloes fuck buddy. wow. yeah. then i drove home and slept before getting woken up by other sarah asking if she could come around later to do english stuff with me. so she did later and it was much fun :) plus we also got work done :) then she left and me and mum got in a fight like straight away. fuck her. and ive been chilling in my room ever since :) now im talking to ron ron and im trying to find an unobvious way to bring up who he likes. wish me luck!
p.s. brad had work people over at his house on friday. minus me. oh the joys of breakups. what frustrates me even more than the fact that he didnt invite me was that im frustrated by that. i had a way better night, i had a great time with my best friends, i had amazing sex. yet im still wishing i had been invited and gone. stupid bec. stupid brad. stupid everything. sarian tried to make me feel better by saying it was last minute but me and brad live two minutes drive from each others houses. and jess has to drive past mine to get to his. but it was nice of sarian to see how much it hurt and try to make me feel better. whats one mean boy to the amount of amazing ones i have :)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

qcs day 1

lets just say... i pretty much owned :)
i cant believe i was actually stressing, its so much easier than what i expected! win!

the writting task was on time. how good is that? theres so much you can write about time. it wasnt fucking essence or circles, it was something that you could actually write about! yay! i did mine on the watch stimulus and wrote a feature article on how liberating it would be if we didnt have the constraints of time. i made word limit... and then some which ill probably get marked down for but oh well i pretty much knew that was going to happen.
the multiple choice was good too i finished ahead of time and only guessed a couple of questions.

it really wasnt that bad :) afterwards though when me and the sarahs were at the plaza we just kept on failing at speaking. other sarahs quote "is that made eddible?" the best way i can explain it was that my brain felt like mashed potato :)
so ive just got the short response and the second multiple choice tomorrow. then more brain mush. but then its all over :) and i will never. ever. ever. have to do it again. ever.

anyhoo im meant to be sleeping so nighty night.

p.s. i was reading through my myspace comments just before and i found one from brad saying "i thought you were going to text me today :( x" that was on the first of august. it just made me really frustrated and confused. i mean it was a month ago and he was being all like that and now its like he cant even send me a birthday text. i miss his friendship. and whatsmore i feel like hes forgotten me. like im forgetable. like he wanted to forget me.