Monday, April 12, 2010

hectic hectic hectic

Dear Blog,
I am so so so so so so sorry for neglecting you since I started uni, I just really need to pass.
So here is a run down on my life for the past roughly two months I'm guessing.

I got a job at Zarraffas and quit Rivers. It was the saddest thing. Still waiting on my party but I only quit like a week ago so that's understandable. I don't really like working at Zarraffas at all. The people don't talk that much and the job sucks. But it is a job, which I do need, so I'll just stick it out until I can get a better job.
Unis been good but really hard. And it's not really helping me get any closer to what I want to be. See I sort of went to uni to figure out what I wanted to do with my life but it's just sort of made me more unsure. I almost quit uni a couple of weeks ago but I've decided to stick it out until the end of semester so that I can at least say that I tried it. And I'm trying to like Brisbane. I really am.
Christine is great. She's a really good housemate and we have really good conversations. I've decided she's about 36 which is crazy because a) she doesn't look it and b) she doesn't seem it. In a good way :)
Centrelinks given me $5000 for living out of home so I'm gonna buy myself a car as soon as I get my licence which will probably be a lot sooner now.
Me and Mum have had some chronic fights lately. I've been staying a lot more at Sarahs when I'm on the coast because of it. Ange even got me chocolate for Easter because she's amazing :)
I spent Easter with Sarah's family and it was the best Easter I think I've ever had. We had crossiants for breakfast and chocolate then me and Sarah took the boys to see How To Train Your Dragon. So good. Then epic dinner :) I love their family, I don't think I've ever felt more at home :)
Everyone is turning 18/is 18. And it's making me depressed. I am literally going to be the third last person I know to turn 18 and the other two people aren't people I like drinking with. Fuck life. Sarah Jean turns 18 in one week from now and it's actually making me so upset that I feel physically sick. Then Sister Sarah turns 18 in May. Fuck life even more.
I really love my uni friends. This girl Caitlin wants us to move in together because she needs people to move in with. The house is close and I wouldn't have to pay any transport but I don't think I know her well enough to live with her yet. I have met some of the best people at uni. They are amazing. And all the boys are either gay or ugly *sigh* but that's okay because I get to walk past all the tennis courts and the ovals every day :)
Me and Tom went through a really weird stage where things didn't seem to be going well but I think we're back on track now :) He wants to be friends too! We talked a little while ago about how we weren't close friends and he said it was because he was too scared that he would either start liking me or it would begin to feel like a relationship but now he wants to be friends and hang out without it leading to that :) It's sort of failed so far though because we both have no time but at least we plan to meet up, which is a start :)
Sarah Jean likes this guy Matt who works at the IGA with Namomo and Britta. They are mega cute together and he likes her too but they don't want to jump into anything since she lives in Brisbane and he lives on the coast. We've actually been hanging out with the IGA crew a lot lately. They are mega fun :) Riley liked me though and since he's found out that I don't like him he's gone all strange :( and Lachlan has hit on me that many times, even when he had a girlfriend. He's a bad drunk. But he's still fun. We even drank at mine when Mum was there :0 That wasn't that much fun, she's a bit of a party pooper.
Sarah Jeans 18th is this weekend and I get to meet her really good friend from Tassie :) Mega excited, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to introduce myself to her as "Hey, I'm Bec, and we're gonna be best friends." I'm mega excited to meet all her other family as well so that I can be fully adopted into the Wademan clan :) And I have things to wear :) Me and Sarah Jean have done mega shopping in the past two days to find things to wear. Problem now is that I have two skirts that I love equally. *sigh* I'm a little worried about Brae coming but things should be fine.
Ohh Todd update!! Tamika and Todd still fight over Sarah Jean :) Every time Todd goes for a walk Tamika is convinced that he is going to see Sarah Jean. Even though she lives in Brisbane now!! I don't think I mentioned it but I epically abused Todd the last time he told Sarah Jean he didn't want to be friends anymore. He was mega mean when he said it, it was epically rude. So when I was drunk I started texting him and abused him. He tried defending him self and I abused him. He tried getting angry and I abused him. He tried appologising and I abused him. Then I ended it with "Me and Sarah are a team!" Best texts I've ever sent by far :)
Sister Sarah just came back from Japan, I haven't seen her yet but I bet she's had an amazing time.
I finished my first ever uni assignment yesterday. Felt so good. I was meant to do more today but I need to hear back from my lecturers first *sigh* Shame too cause I'm in a really productive mood.
My and Rhysiepoo are like brothers now. No joke he is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I love him. We hang out all the time for hours and just talk it's so good.
I went to the beach for the first time in God knows how long over Easter. Best thing ever. It made me feel so much better again. It was probably the last time I'm going to get to go to the beach this summer :( It's sad when summer ends, it just never seems like things are going to get better, only worse. But it will not be like that! Because I live in Brisbane and things happen all the time in Brisbane, not just in summer like the coast!

... I think that's everything. Well obviously not everything because otherwise this post would be months long but it's everything that's important.

I promise I will at least try to post once a week from now on!

Love xx

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Orientation day 2

More uni today! We actually did like drama stuff today which was really good. It reminded me of drama at school so much, it was nice to have something familiar :) The class got put into two groups because there was too many of us, which apparently is strange because the class normally has like 20 students or something. Luckily I got put with Alex, Angie and Ri (the two girls names I couldn't remember the other day) as well as Anastacia and others. Our first workshop was with Lil. Most people think she's scary but I don't, I think she's great! We went through relaxing exercises to loosen up our body, it felt so good :) Then we got put into groups and had to go from being a seed to a flower as a group. We'd done that in drama at school already so I was pretty cool with it :) Also it meant that the touch barrier was broken! I had known these people a day and I was holding hands and having people lay on top of me! It was fine though :) Everybodies performances were so good!! We got lots of praise for ours though, which was good :)
Then morning tea and omg there was carrot cake :) Then back in with... shit he's my main lecturer and I can't remember his name!! Well the Brittish one (think of how easy it'll be to listen to him for hours on end!!) lead the next workshop. We played a game of reactions where whatever he said we had to the opposite of (e.g. stop mean go). Man that game is fun :) Then we got into pairs and ask the other person three questions. Then we joined another pair and had to introduce the other person as though they were going on a blind date. Then we got put in a big group and had to introduce our person as somebody that should be eaten as we were stranded on a boat out at sea. Epic game :) Then we had to make a still portrait of "The Best Family" I was a lesbian Aunt haha. Then we had to make a still portrait of "The Worst Family" Twas quite fun :) And we played numbers, but only to 11 thank god.
Then lunch and I made more friends :) One of their names was Donovan but that's all I can remember :S Then back to hear about a thing the third years do. Basically they get a director, audition for parts, and get to be in a real play. Like a real no joke, performed at the Metro that the public comes to see play. A real play!! That's insane!! I can't wait!! I'm going to try to get Sarah Jean come see it with me if I can't get someone from uni.
When I had to catch busses back home I got really stressed because I had forgotten to write down what busses I had to catch and when they came. I hardcore hated on Brisbane for a bit there. And then thinking about what the thrid years were doing that would be so amazing to be a part of but also thinking about how much time I would have to spend away from the Coast. Then I realised that even with the performances for my course I would have to spend so much time away from the Coast. The lecturers had been saying that because of how intense this course is we would end up living, breathing, being, the course/our characters. I'm so scared I'm going to loose my Coast friends. I'm not going to go well here if I'm not happy and I need friends to be happy and I'm sure that I'm going to make friends here but surely they couldn't compare to my Coast friends?! I just seem to be going in circles and there's no real answer to any of my questions. I also got really passionate about theatre and everything and sort of exploded on Brad trying to explain how I felt. It went along the lines of "While it's still school it's also like training for what I'm going to do for the rest of my life as a career but it's more... hmmm it's like who I am, it's a part of my personality, it will be a part of all aspects in my life. If I'm good at it hahaha" I think I summed it up pretty well. I'll work on it a bit more but yeah that's the main gist.
More to add on my hating of Brisbane, Christines microwave is epic. I've managed to burn mi goreng and mac and cheese in it. I didn't even know you could ruin simple food like that.

Anyways I'm going to stop complaining because I've only been here less than a week and I've got to give it more of a chance.

Going back to the Coast tomorrow. YAY :) I don't even care that it's going to take me 3 hours and 10 minutes, I get to see my people again :)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Riley just text me before. Do you remember Riley? He was one of the Creek boys in my grade, he hung out with Luke and all that. He asked me if it was true that I moved away and that he misses hanging out :) It made me feel so much better to know that just because I've moved to Brisbane people haven't forgotten about me :) let alone someone that doesn't see me much anyways. And he wants to meet up which would be really cool :)

Wrote up my resume today *sigh* I've finally accepted that yes I do need a job in Brisbane. I'm going applying next week hoping that I find something because I just did my budget and from what I can tell I'm going to be living off mi goreng and have $20 a week spare if I'm lucky.

Sarah Jean went home today. She's chilling with Sister Sarah. I am terribly jealous even though I know that once I'm at uni tomorrow I'll be happy I stayed.

And Ron Ron asked Cheyenne out and she said yes :) Woot woot! I just hope she doesn't steal my Ron Ron.

That's all really. You can probably tell that I'm a bit lonely. More than a bit really. But I'm sure that things will pick up once uni starts and I become better friends with people.
Things will get better.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Orientation day 1

So I had orientation today (duhhhh). It was amazing!! I got there late (woops) but it wasn't that embarrassing. To start with they talked about what to expect from the course. They said that if they thought that this class was going to be a bludge because it's a drama course they could get out right now. I really liked that because I'm sick of people thinking I'm stupid because I'm doing a drama course. Drama is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Then we had morning tea and I had a mini freak out because I'm retarded like that but then a girl called Miriam introduced herself and then everything was fine :) We had a scavenger hunt and out of pure luck I got put in the group with most of the boys :) Not in that way boys are just so much easier to talk to. I made friends with Alex and two girls (I feel so bad that I can't remember their names!) and they all live on campus so hello uni parties!! They were really nice and easy to talk to and they were all far away from home and it was great to have someone in the same boat as me. The scavenger hunt was actually really fun we got so much free shit like a diary, wrist band, "rape" whistle, wall and pocket calendars, a gym session and probably other stuff. Then we had more team stuff where we talked with our main lecturer/teacher dude about our hopes and fears of the course. Most people had fears about failing or realising that this course wasn't for them. I don't see it that way at all. At the end of the day if I fail or if I graduate then realise that I want to do something completely different I still would have gained so much. I'm only scared about loosing my coast friends. Then we had third year theatre students come and act out people that weren't prepared for uni which was fun. Then a free sausage sizzle and I chilled with Alex and the girls again. Then back in for a library walk through and then Sarah Jean picked me up :)
We went to see Tom at his new house. It's so nice :) and his flatmates Charlotte and Gabby (apart from being incredibly hot) are really lovely :) He was telling me about things I said on Saturday night. Holy crap I must have been a mess. I am so embarrassed. I blushed. That's how bad it was. Tom told me I shouldn't be embarrassed though, he said that he really liked our conversations that we had that night. We chilled with Tom for a couple of hours then Sarah Jean dropped me home.
I desperately wish that me and Tom had good conversation all the time, not just when I'm a mess. I get shy around him so often and it's really bad. I bet if I could be completely myself around him we would date. Man I wish I didn't like him.
Anyways I'm off because Christine will be home soon and I don't want her to think I'm a massive internet hog.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

i survived!

So I managed to catch the bus-train-bus successfully :)
I had the best weekend, it's definetly made me want to be able to come back here as much as possible.
Friday I chill banged in Centrelink for three hours. Man I hate it there. Then I met up with Sister Sarah and we hung out before going to her house to drink with Ron Ron and Adam. The rest of the boys were meant to come but they dogged. It was still really fun though we played Questions and we were all like really open and honest but it wasn't awkward at all :)
Saturday Ron Ron was really legendary and drove me to work :) Work was actually really good it was just me, Katie and Gail on so it was real chill. Then home and napping before picking up Sister Sarah and going to Adams. Man Adams was fun :) So drunk. I tried to push Adam in the pool and almost fell in myself, Riess taught me how to play blackjack, Cheyenne had vodka that smelt, looked and tasted like detergent, we danced, we did a Maccas run, Cheyenne ate 4 cheeseburgers and a large fries, we made friends with the Maccas security guard, Jayden kept calling to try to get me to come to where-ever he was until he had everyone abusing him and Tom pretending that me and him were getting it on right there and then, Adams parents caught me and Tom making out and there was probably heaps more stuff. Tom was being really sweet all night. He told me I looked really good :) At one point he said something that came out wrong and I got upset so he spent the rest of the night trying to make it up to me :) I found his "spot" that turns him on (nibbling his ears). Man that was fun to play with :) We talked about the whole baby thing (I got spotting on Saturday so therefore not pregnant!). Tom still wanted to have sex even though I had spotting because he had read that it's meant to be amazing for the girl if they're on their period. I argeed because it was just spotting not like a full blown period. I know some people are probably cringing right now and before it happened I would have been too but it really didn't make much mess or anything. We laid towels down too because we didn't want to stain Adams sheets. Oh and... we did it with the lights on!! It actually wasn't that bad at all, in fact it was kind of good :) He said I was beautiful :) And we tried reverse cow-girl. Man that's hot. And we attempted standing up sex but it failed haha. Then he left because he was going to Movie World with his family the next day. I love that he still does family day even though he lives in Brisbane now :)
Today I just chilled at home once Ron Ron dropped me home. I'm meant to be cleaning my room here because apparently it's not fit to be left in the state it's in. My room still looks exactly the same. I'd better get on that.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

my last two weeks on the coast

Where do I even begin? Friday night was "The Sarah and Bec Are Going Away Party" (as named by Sarah Jean). I had fun while I was awake. Brae wouldn't talk to me so I got too dunk and ended up throwing up and passing out. Like epic amouts of vommit, on the ground, in the toilet, on a bed; it was disgusting. I love Nick so much though, he held my hair back and washed it when I got vommit in it along with taking me to bed. He is amazing. But yeah anyways for while I was awake I had a good time. So many people came! Like people that we were friends with but not people that we had invited cause we had an original people limit of 30. Sarah Jean made a list of who was there and it was closer to 50! But Sarah Jeans parents were amazingly cool with it! Me and Sarah Jean did shots with her Dad, Wayne! And I introduced him to everyone as my Dad and Ange (Sarah Jeans Mum) as my Mum :) And Ange was out smoking with Joanna and CJ :) Best parents ever. And Sarah Jean wanted Anna to come and I didn't and Ange sided with me :) Earlier that day Nick had said "I'm gonna make you wet" without y'know realising that it sounded so bad. So at the party he comes up to me with a water pistol and "got me wet" I told him I was never talking to him again and then I forgave him for some reason. And we sang and danced :) Then at some point I started vommting and eventually got taken to bed.

Saturday morning we got a call from Riess asking us if we wanted to go camping. Dead set the timing could not have been better. I mean when were me and Sarah Jean ever going to get the whole weekend off ever again? So we rushed around, getting all our camping gear together and speeding off to Noosa to meet the boys. Because it was a spur of the moment thing for them there wasn't enough seats in Tommys car so me and Adam got dropped at the barge while the rest of them went to get KFC for everyone back at camp. Once they came back the real fun started. Imagine this: Tommy and Riess in the front, Tom, Adam and Sarah Jean in the back and me... lying across their laps. Going across soft sand for about a half an hour drive. Yeah it was epic. And the look on Ron Rons face when me and Sarah Jean arrived... ohhh it was beautiful :) So we drank and we swam and everything was epic :) I finally met Chakley and James as well as Tommy, Jack, (Riess's woman) Ashlee and (Ron Ron's woman) Cheyenne. I love Chakley and James, they are like my new favourite people :) Chakley is just the loosest person I've ever met, he was so drunk that he had to keep one eye shut so that he wasn't seeing four of everyone :) And James is from Manchester, England. It was the first time that I had ever heard an accent from Manchester and lets just say that I'ma go to Manchester asap ;) What else do I say about it? Chakley did several nudie runs (through someone elses camp at one point!), Adam joined in, Riess decided to put blue bottles on his tounge and neck, Chakley asked me out on a date on Valentines Day (I said yes) then after being passed out for an hour woke up and asked Sarah Jean on a date on Valentines Day, the stars out there are epic, me and Sarah Jean were too lazy to set up our tent so I stole Chakleys swag and Sarah Jean slept in a car, me and Tom tried to have sex but there was no where to do it, me and Sarah Jean had to pretend to both be interested in Riess cause he wanted to be a dick to Ashlee, we got epically lucky that the ranger never came past because we didn't have a permit... and I think that's all the important stuff. 

Sunday I woke up and heard voices so I pulled the top of the swag off and no joke everyone was surrounding me just chilling. Mega weird. So we packed up and got back to Riess's about 12. At the pitstop at Maccas Sarah Jean finally gave in to Chakley (WOOHOO!) and he was real lovely and brought me breakfast cause my wallet was packed into the bottom of Riess's car. On the drive back I found out from Ron Ron that Brae had deliberately gone to my party with the intention of not talking to me. RAGE. It started raining when we were cleaning the cars at Riess's but that didn't really matter cause me and Adam ended up having an epic water and soap fight anyways, which resulted in me running on the wet drive way and doing an epic ass fall. Like as in its two weeks later and I still have a purple and blue bruise on my ass.

Monday I saw Seth cause he was up on the coast. I was really worried that it was going to be awkward because we haven't talked in a while but it was completely fine! It was better than fine, it was great! We talked for like 5 hours straight about everything possible! And then David came and we all chilled together and it felt just like old times :) It was the best.

Tuesday I talked to Laurie because she was up on the coast (so many visitors!) and she came and got me and I got to see Nic, Greg and Kai :) Kai is so big now! And Nic is such a good Mumma :) And OMG Laurie's engaged and trying to have a baby! EPIC CHANGE! Also we had pizza slushie night which was awesome as usual :)

Wednesday Mum left to go on her cruise and I had the house to myself :) that night CJ, Rhysiepoo, Jake, Glen, Jo, Jess and Sarah Jean came to mine for a session :) Man that was a funny night :) Being in a car when you're high is insane. Like no joke it's crazy. Stupid Rhysiepoo doing donuts and handbrake corners. Epic. And food is amazing. I don't really know what to say about it and even if I talked about the stuff that happened that night I doubt anyone would find it interesting but me :)

Thursday me and Sarah Jean went to the beach, then I went for all-you-can-eat $16 ribs and pizza with Ron Ron, Riess, Ashlee and Cheyenne. Best part was that I didn't feel like the fifth wheel :) The ribs were so gross. Urgh. Then we were all talking about how we felt like drinking and Ron Ron was like "Well Bec's house is empty..." So we went to mine and drank. Sarah Jean, Paul and Alex came too :) So much fun but apparently when I went to sleep it wasn't when everyone else did. Sorry neighbours.

Friday I woke up at 5:40 to Riess threatening to punch a brick wall cause Ron Ron had lost his key and Riess had to start at 6. Then back to sleep. Then again with Alex waking me up :) Paul was so funny, he remembered that he had let Alex and the girls cut his hair last night. Biggest "FUCK LIFE" from the bathroom :) Me and Sarah Jean cleaned up as much as we could before going to the beach again :) Funniest phone call from Grace when she got home, going rank about how the house was so messy. Then an even funnier phone call from Dad telling me that he thought that Grace was over-reacting, that the house wasn't that messy and that I had to tell whoever was drinking Budweiser that they are a pussy. I love my Dad :)  Me and Sarah Jean went to her place and got mops and whatnot to finish cleaning, went to mine, ate Chinese for dinner, cleaned, warned my neighbours this time and then got ready just in time for everyone to come over. The girls brought this other girl which I wasn't stoaked about but whatever I wasn't going to be cockblock. Paul and Alex arrived after their soccer game :) Ohhh it was another fun night :) My wheelchair was on the trampoline, Ron Ron and Cheyenne stole a bench from one of my neighbours, more toothpaste went on my mirror (but I was smart enough to hide the permanent markers), a condom fight in Graces room, my cat became Simba and my trampoline was Pride Rock, shots, a game of Four Kings with a 500 pack "11?", I learnt to do a wheelie on my wheelchair, I reduced myself to Goon, epic cheeseburgers and mi goreng at 2 am and me and Tom got together :) I'm a little bit worried though cause our condom broke and I'm not on the pill at the moment :S

Saturday I don't think I actually went to sleep. I could hear people awake at around 5 so I got up and started cleaning. We actually didn't make that much mess, I was so proud :) I got what I could done before Sarah Jean drove me to work via the Chemist to get the Morning After Pill. Tom was really sweet, he asked if I wanted him to come with me and he gave me money even though I refused it for ages. Work was bad, we were so quiet, I spent the day cleaning and texting Brad. I got home and went to sleep at 6.

Sunday I woke up. At 11:30. I had slept for 17 and a half hours!! WOAH! I also hadn't eaten since like 10 the morning before so I pretty much ran out of bed to the fridge. Left of Chinese has never tasted so good :) Then I finished the cleaning while Sarah Jean was over and then we took Max to the beach. Brad came too but only at the end. We totally forgot it was Valentines Day until we were at the beach and saw all the love-dovey couples. I wonder if people thought me and Sarah Jean were an item? Nahh probably not because we had Max with us and he's clearly too old to be our kid. That night Kamara abused me something chronic about Brae. She was brutal. She said I was pathetic for inviting him to our party (even though he asked several times if he could come!), that I deliberately created the drama between me and Brae because I thrive off it, that ever since I broke up with him I've tried to make it all about me and more. It was awful. I called Sarah Jean over and she comforted me and then took me to her house :) She's so lovely :) Brae started talking to Sarah Jean on msn and showed us the conversation he was having with Kamara while she was abusing me. She was copying and pasting me and hers conversation into their conversation. That was so bad of her because while I've been honest with Brae about everything I've been tactful about it where as when I was talking to Kamara because I thought he wouldn't see it and because I was upset I was brutally honest. So that got him hurt all over again. Good going Kamara. Also after she would copy and paste stuff in she would write "Am I winning?" and "I'm totally winning" Bitch move much. Sarah Jean asked what had brought it on and he said that he didn't know and (quote) "She's not even my friend, she's just someone I can talk to because she's not involved." So Kamara pretty much chose 4 years of friendship over someone who doesnt consider them to be friends. I know that everyone is intitled to their own opinion but since we were friends and all I thought that she would just remain impartial, or at least tell me her feelings without being a bitch about it. She acts like she's so perfect, that she's got no faults, but there have been so many things that she's done that I haven't agreed with but I've still stood by her because she needed me, because we were friends and that's what friends do. I've had her back so many times and the one time that I need her to have mine she didn't. I just can't believe it. I'm more hurt than anything. And because we're out of school and I'm living in Brisbane now I'm worried it's not going to get fixed and we will just keep hating each other. Anyways I stayed at Sarah Jeans. Haha Mum gets back and I leave. Ohhh and Grace stole a bottle of Rum that Paul left at my house and she might also be a pot head! What a mess!

Monday I went to the Plaza and got a hair cut. It's wayyy shorter but it's good because now all the ratty blonde bits are gone :) I also brought a camera :) YAY YAY YAY. It's pretty much a newer version of my old one but I got the five year warranty on it so things should be okay :) Only $370 too! Rhysiepoo and me chilled and we bumped into Zack in Myer and chilled with him for a bit too :) Rhysiepoo was even awesome enough to drive me home :) Then Britta and Naomi came around, soon after Sarah Jean arrived with Maddie and we went to Capones for dinner. Yummiest place ever. I love my girls so much :) Britta came up with a strategy for Kamara - just let it be. I want to try it but the first place that I'll have a chance to test it out will be at Brittas 18th. Fingers crossed it works because otherwise it might ruin Brittas night. Britta and Naomi left so me, Sarah Jean and Maddie chillbanged for a bit more before going home.

Tuesday I was back at the Plaza to pick up boxes from work to pack stuff in :) Then back home and packing before the last Pizza Slushie Night ever :( It was lots of fun, I got a bit sad at one point but it was still great :) I love the Pizza Slushie Crew :) Then me, Sarah Jean and Jess Lee went to Rorys house to chill with him and Joel. We watched an episode of Top Gear where they played hockey with CARS. It was awesome :) We watched Family Guy too and Joel sang the theme song very beautifully :) That was kind of fun but the boy had work in the morning so they went to bed early. Me and Jess Lee shared a bed and we ended up talking for hours about everything. It was really good :) Go me for not spending my last night at home :)

Wednesday I had to go to Centrelink to get stuff sorted out. Drama drama drama. Man I hate Centrelink. Anyways I got back to the plaza and called Jamie and met up with her and we shopped for a bit before going to Sister Sarahs work. It was epically busy so Sister Sarah had to stay longer so me and Jamie went to Sarah Jeans work to wait until she finished. She did then we went to Medicare to get stuff sorted for her then Sister Sarah finished work and came to meet us. It was so good to see her again after she'd been in Sydney for a whole week! We had epic catchups about her trip and what we'd done while she was away. We ate food, dropped Sister Sarah and Jamie home(epic sad face), went to mine, packed Sarah Jeans car, went to Sarah Jeans house, put more stuff in her car then off we went!! Well after quickly going back to mine because I'd forgotten stuff haha. Mum was the worlds biggest bitch, she was napping when we came home (the first time) so I woke her up and told her I was going. She didn't even get up. I was moving out of home and she wouldn't even get up to see me go. When I told her I was going all I got was a muffled "Kay" Bitch. But it was okay because when we got to Sarah Jeans house Sarah Jean told Ange and Wayne about how Mum had been and they gave both of us the biggest goodbyes :) Officially my new family :) The trip down to Brisbane actually wasn't that bad. We thought we were lost at one point but we found our way back :) When me and Sarah Jean were talking she admitted that she was scared shitless too but she was keeping her game face on for me. She is amazing :) We got to mine and unpacked everything. Man I love unpacking when someone else is helping :) Sarah Jean loved my house as well :) Once I was unpacked we went to Sarah Jeans place because Cousin Marcus was meant to be home by then. He wasn't so we explored around her complex, found the pool, then went to go get dinner. On the way Cousin Marcus called so we got him dinner too. Almost directly in between mine and Sara Jeans place is this huge complex that has no joke every kind of food imagineable. 24 hour Maccas, Chinese, 2 Indian places, Thai, Italian, Noodle Box, Magic Rice and more. There's even a chemist, doctors surgery, pathology, hairdresser, clothing alterations and more! As I said, it has everything :) Me and Sarah Jean have decided that we're going to go there every Monday night until we've eaten at every place in the complex :) Back at Cousin Marcus's we ate and chatted before Sarah Jean dropped me home. Christine still wasn't home when I got home so I just chillbanged by myself. I had a really bad moment where I got so manic that I colour-coded every piece of clothing in my room and straightened everything out then started freaking out again because I had nothing else to do. I felt really lonely :( But once Christine got home things were better and I got on the internet so i could talk to everyone again. Brad was so lovely, I told him about how I was freaking out and he made me feel so much better :) Me and Christine got everything sorted out, I got her to sign the centrelink stuff and then we went to bed.

So there it is. My final weeks living on the Sunshine Coast. I don't think that I could have had a better last couple of weeks. I got to see everyone that I'll miss, had heaps of fun and took heaps of pictures of everyone :)
So now I live here. Brisbane. It's exciting, even though it's scary. I'm going back to the coast today because I have nothing to do here until Sarah Jean gets back on Sunday since I don't know anyone. Well no that's not true I know Tom but he works. He was really lovely he text me today asking how my move went :) Anyways I've gotta brave public transport sooner or later and it's probably better to do it now in case people are drinking by the time I got back on the Coast tomorrow. It takes me just under 3 hours to get home *groan*.
Wish me luck!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Oh how I hate her

Fucking Grace. Fucking Grace. Fuck.
She's been home for what, a week? And she's managed to take my necklace, discolour my ring and ruin my jeans by drawing on them with whiteout.
Fucking Grace.
I need to move out. Asap.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Ohh what's that you're back at school?

So I was working the other day and when I turned to greet someone I got the biggets shock. They were wearing a school uniform. I guess it hadn't really hit me that I didn't go to school anymore until that moment and... I couldn't be happier! Ever since I graduated I've been missing school something chronic but when I saw people in my old uniform I couldn't have been more stoaked! I know that I'll still miss parts but really I'm so much happier and so much better off now that I'm out of school.
Life is good.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Not fashionable, just more fashion

So I know the time for making New Years resolutions has well and truely passed but I have one I would like to add.
The thing is I'm not quite sure how to phrase it. I want people to like what I wear is as close as I can get to describing it, I think. I want people to compliment me, I want guys to notice what I'm wearing (because I look nice, not because my boobs or ass is hanging out), I want to feel pretty. I want to take more notice of what I wear, like other people do. I want to give myself a little bit more money to spend on clothes so that I can have nice things. That's it, I want nice things. I want to feel nice in what I'm wearing.
So before I go to uni I'm going shopping :)

Oh yeah and happy Australia Day too :) I did the typical Aussie thing, beach and Triple J Hottest 100 :)

Monday, January 25, 2010

fire tree

So tonight Jenny's daughter and her bf were playing at the Key bar. Man they are so good! Like I saw them play at our last staff party but they were on fire tonight (haha get it cause theirs the fire tree and yeah...)  It was really good to see Brad too, I've pretty much decided that he's one of my brothers. He's great :) He really likes Jess though, it was breaking my heart to see him around her tonight. I loved that the Sarahs came and it was fine :) We saw Rhody and Jesse there cause Jesse's cousin was playing and it was really awkward :( I don't like this! I don't get why it's awkward with our group! Why they seem really stand offish. I DON'T LIKE IT!
Anyways check out The Fire Tree. Do it.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


fucking hell fucking shit fucking fuck.
fuck fuck fuck.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

OMG I can't believe I haven't blogged about this!!


I got into my first preference too!!
ARGHH I'm so stoaked!!
I stayed at Sarah Jeans the night before so that she could be with me when I got my offer in case things didn't go well. The morning comes and I go to login and... I don't have my friggen QTAC number! ARGH! So we rush to my house. I swear that my computer was being extra super dooper slow that day but eventually the website comes up. Sarah Jean was doing her makeup in my bathroom and told me to get her as soon as it comes up. It came up and... there it was! My uni offer! The one I wanted! I tried to call out "Sarah" but it sort of came out as "Saaarah...?" She came out and I couldn't even talk, I just looked her her with complete shock on my face. Then she looked at it and we both SCREAMED. Man did we scream. And hug. Ahhhh best moment this year.
We also went to see The Princess and The Frog that day. Gooooood movie :)
The next day me and Sarah Jean went down to Brisbane to see her new place and our new unis. Man I'm so jealous of where she is living with Marcus. They live no joke across the road from Carindale shopping centre. As in you walk out her door and you can see the car park. And Marcus, when he's being Good Marcus, is great. Carindale is just wow. So friggen big. No Zarraffas though :( We couldn't go into my house cause Christine works days but we did get to see the outside. It's not bad, not nice, but not bad. Good for the price I'm paying. Then we went driving to my campus. Do you remember how I said that I was going to bike to uni? Yeah that plans failed. When we were driving there we started going up one hill and I was like "It's okay, it's okay, I can handle one hill" Then we get to the top of that hill and see and even bigger hill. So we start laughing. Then we get up to the top of that hill and we see... and even bigger hill, again. FML. So yeah given up on that idea, going to take the bus. My uni, mannnnnn. Ohh it's so homey! It's like nestled in a forrest completely cut off from civilisation and it's not flashy or too modern which is just my style :) I got my ID... ugh but oh well that's the way they are meant to be, right? Then we went to Sarah Jeans campus. Hers' is bigger and flashier and newer. It's also great :) The drive from home to Brisbane wasn't actually that bad, it only took an hour and a half :) The drive home was shit, peak hour traffic :(
Maddie had her 18th brunch the other day. Twas also fun.
I really haven't got that much to say otherwise.
Arghhh Mum is raging again. She's making me clean up the bench before I leave tomorrow. We both know (or well I hope she knows) that that means they'll be transferred from the bench to my floor.

Monday, January 11, 2010

I suck

So today I broke up with Brae. It was so hard. Like so hard. Waiting for him to get to the beach was like the longest hour of my life. Running over what I was going to say over and over again, freaking out, my stomach churning. When he got there I couldn't breathe properly. Thank God I had Sarah Jean there. She led the other boys away so that me and Brae could talk. I froze so badly, my speach went out the window. In fact, it broke the fucking window frame. I barely got out the point I was making; that I thought we should just be friends. I barely mentioned any of my reasons. Then we went back to everyone, he didn't talk to me and he left without saying goodbye. Then he text Sarah Jean asking why I did it then he text me saying "Did something happen last night/today?" I took that as him asking if I had cheated on him but that wasn't what he meant, he just couldn't wrap his head around it. I properly explained to him that my feelings had changed and he asked "I can't change that, can I?" My heart broke just then. This was by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Me and Brae are talking now and it's okay, fairly awkward. He asked me if it was his fault and when I told him it had nothing to do with him things got better. I feel so bad though, his Mums taken the entire week off work so she can "keep an eye on him" Not only do I feel bad for making his Mum do that, not only do I feel worse, but Brae has to spend the week with his Mum. But at least we are talking!

And CJ was really nice today, he tried to cheer me up cause I was upset.
Anyways I'm gonna sleep. xx

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Guess who...

has a place to live in Brisbane!! I DO!!
I'm living where Jamie used to live (I don't know if I mentioned this but Jamie has moved back home, is going to Uni here and is studying something different!). I'm so stoaked cause while moving in with a stranger wasn't going to stop me from moving to Brisbane, I feel so much safer living with somebody that is recommended. Christine is part of the womens group that Nellie goes to, and Jamie liked living with her, so that's pretty much all I need to know! Rents $140 a week, including electricity and fully furnished. Agreed the bus routes suck, like hardcore suck but oh well this is just my chance to get healthy! Haha yeah right. But there really isn't any other choice.
I could....
- walk 1 kilometer to the bus stop, catch bus number 1, walk 50 meters to the next bus stop, catch bus number 2 and then walk another 1 kilometer to the uni; approximately an hour all up.
- walk 4 kilometers to uni; approximately an hour.
- ride a bike 4 kilometers to uni; approximately half an hour.
So obviously the bus is a whole lot more effort for little gain. Except! What if it rains? That would be aweful! And I would have to carry my epic Uni textbooks. Mum said she would buy me a bike with a basket on it, which could work... except in the rain!
What I think I'm going to do is ride my bike with my Uni textbooks in the basket except on the days when it's raining , when I will catch the bus. Depending on Sarah Jean I may be able to pay for lifts cause it would only be a slight detour to go via my house and my campus to get to her Uni from her house. And I would pay her of course.
But I have a place to live! And Christine seems really nice :)
Once (not if) I get accepted I'm going to go look at my place, then move in :)
Win win win.

Monday, January 4, 2010

keeping busy busy busy

So Uni Offers come out in 10 days. Eeeeeeek!! To destract myself I'm keeping busy. My theory is that the busier I am the less I'll think about it.
So tomorrow theres a BBQ at Kamaras house then hopefully me and the Sarahs are having a chill session with Rhysiepoo and co. that night.
Wednesday I might see Brae.
Thursday I'm working.
Friday I have no plans... yet.
Saturday I'm working and have Joshes going away party that night.
Sunday I'm presuming me and Sarah Jean plus maybe/hopefully Sister Sarah are hanging out.
No plans Monday.
Tuesday is Maddies 18th brunch.
Wednesday no plans.
Thursday here comes my Uni Offer!! Well if everything goes awesomely anyways.

Wish me luck.

this suck balls

I am so totally fucked with this thing with Brae. Like royally, unequivocally, unbelievably fucked. Fuck.
Kamara pretty much summed the whole situation up:
so he's:
always bored
unwilling to try
doesnt realise you think this
and it's:
not working on your side

Me and Brae are just different. Not the right kind of different, the wrong kind. I'm social and he's not, I'm motivated and he's not, I make my own plans and he expects people to invite him places. I can't handle it! And every time we've hung out in a group he has gone off and sat by himself for like 20 minutes at a time. It's not because he's upset or he wants me to follow or anything he just wants to sit by himself. And I don't want to feel like I have to baby sit him or anything. And because he doesn't have a job he always has free time so it's sort of like whenever I have free time he wants me to be spending it with him but I have my own life! My own friends! And while I want him to be a part of it I don't want him to be my whole life. And because all his friends treat their girlfriends like they can't live without them, and they spend all their time with them, Brae must think like that as well but that's not something that I can handle.
We just don't work together.

So I'm giving it another week or so and if nothings changed then I'll break up with him. It feels aweful just writting that. Oh dear.

On an upside, I have more stuff for my journal. I couldn't find a twothousandandten thing so I brought silver glitter and I'm going to cover a piece of paper with it and make it myself :) I got ribbon too :) and a good writting pen. And just before I found heaps of photos that I want to put in it to go with something I want to write in it about. If that made sense at all?
I'm in a really creative mood, I may work on it more in a second.

Byee xx

Sunday, January 3, 2010

That kind of girl

I think I deserve some kind of World Record. Some sort of title. I mean nobody else could have just done what I’ve done. I’ve just gotten over the honeymoon phase… in two weeks.
Me and B had always talked. We had always had great conversation. Conversations that made me feel like walking on clouds. They were equal, they were interesting, they were never ending, just paused while we slept or worked. When we hung out it was the same, sparks flying everywhere, feelings strong enough to make me blush. And when we kissed for the first time… oh my. Butterflies galore.
A week later I finally asked him out. It took all my courage to do. I was nervous, which was shocking, since I don’t get nervous around boys I like. I’m not that girl. I’m never that girl.
But for B I was that girl. I was the girl that jumped to get my phone in case it was a text from him. I was the girl that blushed when he paid me a compliment. I was the girl that thought about him non-stop, talked about him non-stop. I was the girl holding his hand as we walked in public, the girl that has his arms around her.
I was that girl. For a while. But it just isn’t who I am.
And now the novelty of it, the honeymoon period, it’s over. And B still likes me, loves me in fact, and I don’t.
I just don’t.
I have realised that I’m not a relationship person. No matter how much I try, no matter how much I think that I’m finally ready to be somebody’s girlfriend, no matter how convinced I am that this time I will be that girl, I just don’t do relationships.
But now me and B are involved, we are in a relationship, I am his girlfriend. And there is no easy way to tell him that my feelings have changed. There is no way to stop B getting hurt. And it’s all my fault. Because I didn’t know myself. Or I did and just hoped that I had changed.
But I haven’t changed. I am exactly the same. I am going hurt B because of who I am.
And I hate myself for it.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Hello 2010, it's very nice to meet you.

Well, well, well, how was everybodies New Years?

We drank at Sarah Jeans and made our way down to the beach in time to see Kate Miller-Heidke and the fireworks :) And I had my first New Years kiss :)
Sarah Jeans was actually really good, don't really remember all that much about it haha. But then again, that's the way that New Years is meant to be, right? It was so good to see Kate Miller, I had been in need of a dance for a very long time :) and we saw so many people there! The boys from school, Matt, Jeremey, Mark Jenny and Sarah, Tory, Joanna, creek boys and probablmore people that I've forgotten. And Sarah Jeans parents were legendary.
Work today was death though. Absolute death.

Well lets recap, shall we?
2009 was the start of the most important year of my schooling career. Everyone saw the tears, the tantrums and the triumphs. There were parts I hated like QCS and Term 3, parts I'll always miss like Swimming Carnivals, Sports Days and Cross Country and parts that I'll always remember like Formal and Graduation. At the time I hated school but now I miss it more than anything. I guess the saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" is actually true. I miss the people, the teachers, the structure and hell I even miss the learning. I miss everything. But also all good things must come to an end and now that it has at least I can look back at my highschool experience with a sense of fondness. Besides, I'm sure that in time I won't miss it at much... I hope anyways.
2009 was also the year of me finally getting a social life. I don't know what I would be like if Sarah Jean hadn't invited me to Adams that night. I've been out almost every weekend since then :) I became better friends with Ron Ron, Tom, Riess and the current creek boys because of it, not to mention the Sarahs. I learnt to handle my alcohol a lot better since then, thank god. Apart from going out to parties more I also went out more, just in general, and got a lot more confident because of it.
2009 was the year of the Sarahs. Goodbye to Nutter, finally. I gained so many better friends, ones that actually treat me right. I finally feel like I'm worth something. I know that I always have someone to turn to, someone to talk to, someone that will be there for me. I respect myself a lot more because of the shit with Nutter. I am a better person because of it.
2009 was a year for maturing. I had my first proper boyfriend, lost my virginity, had my heart broken for the first time and survived it all :) I made choices about my future, handled being the parent for a while and I sacrificed my present happiness in the hope for future happiness.
One year ago i decided that 2009 was going to be the year of growth. And boy did it exceed expectations :)

So now onto 2010 and what I want from it.
First of all, what this year is going to be.
2010 will be the year of accepting change.
Since, whether I like it or not, this year is going to be full of changes and it will be much easier if I can accept said changes.
2010 will also be the year of me being more creative.
I want to learn to sew so I can make things for people and myself. I want to blog better and I want to be more artsy.
And in 2010 I will save. I will save.

I think that's all for now, I'm going to start my scrapbook diary thing :)