Tuesday, May 19, 2009

i just had a very nice chat to josh. and almost convinced him to send me his maths assignment but he hadnt typed it all up yet :( i miss when we were hell tight.

im starting to get a bit... i dont know how to put it, its not worried or creeped out but something along those lines about me and zacks friendship. like i dont see a problem with it but im sure if other people witnessed it then they would think bad things. i know, i know, it doesnt matter what other people think but... well it kind of does. im not man enough to not care completely. we made this joke once that we were married so now whenever we talk we call each other things like honey and baby and sweetie etc. and we plan our wedding and our kids names and stuff. it reminds me of when you'd play marriage as a little kid. i dont know why it worries me, cause we both know its nothing. maybe its cause it makes me feel so good, almost like its something. shit i dont know. it kind of makes me feel like im using him cause im getting so much more out of this game than he is. its pretty much keeping me from being lonely. like boy lonely. we have like fake fights and makeups and even though its ridiculous it still makes me feel... something close to loved, maybe accepted? included? alls i know is that i feel strange about it. but im not stopping. its keeping me stable. im not stopping.

im going to get my stuff for cams tomorrow :) and have oreos with peanut butter :) and hopefully chill with kamara if we are at the plaza at the same time :) then work 2:45 - 5:45 with jenny, sash and nic. should be good :) i could be working with brad as well :S while it has the potential to be good if he talks to me, if he doesnt talk to me it could be possibly the worst thing ever. like ever. so fingers crossed that doesnt happen.

i am severely sad that my blog has no followers :( ill have to start putting it on myspace or something.

well im off to bed. its raining pretty heavily which will be nice :)

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