Wednesday, December 23, 2009

one of the best weeks in my life, followed by the worst

Week 1: The Great Week.

Monday Brae came over at like 8 pm cause we were cooking and I was bragging about how good my cooking was. We ate and talked and chilled all night. We were lying on my bed talking and then he started holding my hand :) I gave him a bit of a lead to ask me out by telling him that he was giving me butterflies and that he makes me nervous. Did he take the hint? No. So later on we were talking about eyes. Brae's eyes had changed since schoolies (they were a really blue, blue at schoolies and at my house they were green) so then (and I know this sounds really cheezy) we were lying there staring into each others eyes for ages. It took me so long to work up the courage to ask him out but I finally did it... and he said definetly :) best answer ever! Then he said that he should have asked me out but I told him that this way I win haha :) then we went to sleep cause it was like 4 in the morning.

Tuesday I had to work at 12 so me and Brae hung out in the morning. He walked me to work and kissed me goodbye :) Work was good, Sarah Jean came to visit me when I was on my break. OMG she gave me the best reaction about Brae and me :) It pretty much went "Are you and Brae dating?" from Sarah Jean and when I said yes, she screamed at me, jumped on me and wrapped her legs around me. It was halarious :) The rest of work was pretty good. That night I went to Naomis. It was halarious at hers, we just hung out and caught up it was really good :)

Wednesday Naomis Aunt, Uncle and cousins came up. I made friends with her cousins (they are like six and seven or something). They were the funniest kids and her Aunty and Uncle were really cool. At about midday Murrays best friend Pete came over and they all started drinking. Then I was invited to stay. So we drank with the men :) I was talking about how I was one of the boys in my group and they started hassling me, telling me that I was too little to be one of the boys. When I asked them how I could prove it to them they told me "Drink us under the table." Mission Accepted :) I have to say I did a pretty good job too, they were impressed :) Yepp don't really remember that much of that night. Sarah Jean picked us up to go to Thai with Elke, Steph, Mel and Ron Ron. Thai was pretty good from what I remember of it. Me and Naomi went to buy drinks cause I felt bad that I was drinking all their stuff. We pretended to be Lady GaGa on the way there :) and we stayed dead quiet on the way past the cop shop for no apparent reason. And the spoon... ahahaha :) The car ride home was pretty fun :) and when we got to Naomis London Underground was playing :) Can you see why I love Naomis family? They officially adopted me that night as well :) So many funny things happened at Naomis. Her Aunty with the almonds and the weights :) and Sam dropping the weights on her foot. Pete trying to ride his bike home, Sams dancing. Kailyn told me some... interesting stuff as well. I don't know if I've mentioned this but Naomis family seems to think that shes a slut which is like the complete opposite of what Naomis like. And they say it to her face too. When Naomi got back from Morton Sam asked her "Did you loose anything else at schoolies?" It really hurts Naomi, shes called me up crying and stuff. Then that night Kaitlyn told me that she had random sex with a guy from work. She also made me promise not to tell. But apart from the fact that Naomi is my friend and that I should tell her, if Naomi knew that it would help her defend herself when her Mum and sister attacked next. Oh dear. Anyways once we were all ready to go to bed Naomi started being sick. I have a feeling I got really protective over her and like wouldn't let her parents look after her haha. Man she was so sick, she has the weakest stomach.

Thursday I hung out at Naomis until Kaitlyn dropped me at work :) Poor Naomi, she was so sick :( And again her family were being rude about it. Work was good :) When I finished work I met up with Sarah Jean, Ron Ron and Brent. That was fun too :) Then Sarah Jean got invited to go to Toddles house with me so we went and picked up Brae. Jake was there as well so me, Sarah Jean, Toddles, Brae and Jake hung out. We were chilling in Sarah Jeans room and Brae put his arm around me, infront of everyone and everything :) Then we went to blow shit up. It didn't actually work for whatever reason so we went to the park. Brae held my hand whenever we walked anywhere :) At around 1 we decided that we should go home so the boys walked us back. I love goodbye kisses :) Me and Sarah Jean had epic megorin when we got home, it was amazing :)

Friday I worked which was good. When I finished work I walked past Kamaras work (as I've been doing every time I was at the plaza cause we hadn't seen each other since graduation) and she was there! We had epic hugs and catchups. I ended up sitting behind the counter and chatting with her and Diane. Kamara also taught me till, just for kicks :) Jess Lee came to visit and since it was close to the end of Kamaras shift she waited around with us. We got subway, chilled and then me and Kamara caught the bus to her house to hang out more. It was so good :) Then I went home and just chilled there. I was going to go out but I have another boil thing on my leg like the one I had on my underarm at schoolies and the only thing on was a party ages away so I didn't bother.

Week 2: The Worst Week. Ever.

Saturday Op's came out. After getting my pin and whatnot I found out I got a 13. I don't think I've ever been more dissapointed in myself. I cried for so long. Even thinking about it now I'm on the verge of crying. I have been ever since I saw that number. Mum got up while I was getting ready for work and I wanted to see if she would remember that OPs came out that day. She didn't. When I was kind of being rude to her she got angry at me and told me that I was always angry at her for no reason. Way to improve my mood Mum, can't even tell if I've been crying and am upset. Went to the plaza early cause I had to do Christmas shopping. Let me tell you, it's horrible going Christmas shopping when you're in a shit mood. Everthing seems worse than it already is. There were Christmas carrolers in the plaza and they finished a song with "and thank the Lord Jesus" just as I walked past. I faced them, said "Fuck Jesus" and walked off. Yeah, I was in a scary bad mood. I was at the point where if I had the chance I would have gone around destroying my life, burning every bridge possible. Sarah Jean text me "7!" I really wish I could have been excited for her but there was no way anything else was penetrating my unhappiness that day. Then Sister Sarah called me and as soon as I answered I started crying and told her that I wasn't getting into Uni. She asked where I was and came to get me. It was good telling somebody, kind of. I didn't really cry once she came cause I don't cry in front of people but as soon as she left I started again. Then I had to go into work. Man that was bad. When I got in I went to the back room and Gail was out there on her break. I was pretty upset so I was a bit rude and just kind of put my apron on and left. I got out the front to clock on and Taryn asked me what was wrong. Then I started crying, again *sigh*. Taryn was really nice she said I could go home if I wanted but I told her I wanted to stay, that I needed something to take my mind off it. Dad called while I was at work. He, unlike Mum, remembered what day OPs came out and asked me. That set me off again. But it was actually really cool of him to remember :) All through out that day I was a bit of a wreck. I would be fine for a bit and then something else would hit me, or I would just remember again, have a moment of reflection and then BAM I was in tears again. Mum asked me on the way home from work why I was angry so I told her about my OP. She tried to make me feel good but the way I see it, I don't really deserve to feel better about it cause it's my own fault that I got a bad score. I talked to Brae that night and he actually did make me feel a little bit better.

Sunday Jaqui held a catch up session for the girls :) It would have been really good if, yknow, we hadn't got our OPs the day before so therefore it was pretty much all that any body was talking about. I was considering telling people that I hadn't done the Smart OP just so I could pretend for one more day but I decided not to cause I'm a bad liar. It was good at Jaqui's, just really hard when everyone did really well and were all going into the Uni courses that they wanted to go to. I tried to be enthusiastic for all of them though. Sunday night I went to Kamaras and we went to see the Christmas lights down at the church. That was actually okay. Good by the standards of how I had been feeling. I almost forgot about OPs and Uni and everything. We had an epic sword balloon fight in front of everyone :) Then we went to the park and talked for ages. She cried about Jackson. Fuck I hate him. I hope he stays away for good this time.

Monday me and Sister Sarah went shopping. Once again, an okay day but good by standards. We saw Avatar and I think I'm the only person in the world that doesn't like it. When I got home I got a text from Nick "Hey guys, just letting everyone know I'm moving to Sydney tomorrow morning. If you wanted to come visit I'll be home from six to eightish tonight. xx" I started crying. Again. I couldn't believe it. I actually deluded myself into thinking that he was playing a joke on everyone until I called him. He wasn't kidding. There was no joke. He's gone to Sydney and I didn't get to say goodbye. He's gone and I'm probably never going to see him again. I'm never going to get to cook with him again. I'm never going to have someone I can call anytime I need to get out of the house. I'm never going to get to pretend I'm a paraplegic with him. I'm never going to get to go clubbing with him. I'm never going to be able to go to Chinese with him. I'm never going to know if he approves of Brae. I don't have Nick anymore. For the second time in three days I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. For the second time in three days I've found something that can bring me to tears as soon as I start thinking about it. Fuck, I'm crying now for fucks sake. It was actually a little scary when I was crying about Nick. I couldn't control my breathing at all, I thought I was going to pass out cause I couldn't get enough oxygen in. Once I had cleaned myself up I went to Braes. It was good at his house. It's so weird when I'm with him. The good kind of weird. It's like everything is going to be fine, that nothing is wrong or bad. It's kind of like being in our own little world. Once I was at his house there was no tears and I didn't feel half as bad. I love being around him. He makes things better. Or seem better. Whatever, either way he helped me so much that night.

So here I am. Up a boyfriend and an adopted family. Down a future plan and a best friend. It's hard to know what to feel. It's mainly sadness I think.
I don't even know what I'm meant to do about Uni. Nick was the person I was going to talk it over with cause he's been on both sides of the fence with that kind of stuff.
This is impossible.

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