Wednesday, April 29, 2009

boys cause headaches

as you leave me would you please close the door.
i cant handle a repeat of what happened before.
and when im broken and sore.
i dont want to be able to follow you out that door.
as you leave me would you please close the door.

a massive sleep-in.
a massive headache.
fights with mum.
is what my day consisted of.
no more word from brad or jack or luke or any other boy who seems to want to make me all girly and stupid.
i feel strangely empty without them.
which makes me girly and stupid i guess.
i admitted something to morghan yesterday when we caught the bus home. im scared of being single. i dont remember what its like to be single. to not have someone there to cheer me up. to not have someone to make me feel beautiful. to not have someone to be affectionate with. i dont even remember how to be single, how to flirt with boys and whatnot. it shall be scary once i venture back into the status of singledom. but i still think it will be better than the relationship im in. its rather detrimental to my health im thinking.
so yes i feel rather ok about everything.
which is great. it will make breaking up with brad easier to do. cause ive decided that im going to break up with brad even if he didnt cheat on me. naomi helped me decide. i was reading through my saved texts and i found one from her that was sent to me when i told her that me and brad were breaking up cause of something i did (cheated on him) and she said "i no things have been on and off with you guys and you dont deserve to be treated that way. so maybe its for the best. i know hes a nice guy but maybe just not for you" naomi never says hurtful things or things that people dont want to hear unless theres a reason to. its just taken me this long to see the reason.
well i still have the headache so im going to try to sleep it off.
wish me luck xx

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