i dont know where

my blogging passion has gone missing.
its on hiatus somewhere.
but im going to blog cause ive had a couple of amazing days and dont want to forget them.
so here goes.

tuesday.
i slept all day. was feeling a little tired/sad about it being the last time i was going to see jess g. and im crying again. fuck. anyways got to work, clocked on then realised that i was an hour early. but i worked anyways since i was clocked on. and nic was really grateful which was nice. i chilled with jenny on my break which was good cause i never get to do that. then back to work and stocktake. my counting was better again but my adding was shit. as in i couldnt add up things on a calculator. jesus. then it was jess's turn to leave. like the real one this time. when i was counting before she came to say goodbye i found one of the jumpers that still had the "feel me" stickers on them. ages ago when me and jess g were working together we unpacked these jumpers that had these stickers with a picture of a duckling and the words "feel me" on them. we thought they were halarious so we took them off the jumpers and wore them :) jim got angry at us when he saw them and yelled and whatnot but it was just halarious. so when she came to say goodbye i said "wait here and shut your eyes!" went and got it and stuck it on her shirt. it was meant to make her laugh so that neither of us would cry but she took one look at it, said "awww" and starts bawling. so then i start bawling. she left after we'd said goodbye and i cried for about another half an hour straight. then i finally calmed myself down, stopped crying and was standing up the front when nic came up. she saw my face and hugs me. causing me to start crying all over again. once i stopped sarian made me feel better :) hes so great :) then we had pizza cause its stocktake and it was good :) sarian dropped his food all over the floor LOL then we finished stocktake early! so we had to do stock :l i was doing it with sarian and jo and normally jo scares me but shes actually really cool :) she was making all these jokes about how much she likes saliors and we talked about what we want to do when we grow up (shes 30 :D) then it got really hot cause we were actually doing work and sarian suggested we dress down to our underware and just continue doing stock until someone comes up the front and act like nothings different. it would have been great :) but we couldnt do it cause the whole of our shop faces onto the road. otherwise im quite sure that at least sarian would have done it :) then i went home and slept.

wednesday.
on tuesday me and naomi had planned to either go to the markets or the movies on wednesday depending on the weather. i woke up on wednesday to discover the weather was good so i got ready, went to hers, chilled then went to the markets. i didnt really find anything i loved but i just love markets in general so it was great :) i found heaps of kids things i want to get nic as well :) then we had looked around enough so we went to the movies :) im slightly ashamed to say that i saw the hannah montana movie :S:S:S and even worse... i loved it :S:S:S its actually really great. and i love disney movies :) i saw brad in the movie ticket place and called out once but since he didnt turn around i decided to leave it cause he was with his friend kolterman who hated me. i dont know if he still does but i wasnt willing to risk it. then i was walking around waiting for my bus and i bumped into riley. so he took me home :) then i watched a movie with mum but i was so tired i cant even remember what it was called. i liked it though :) then sleep.

thursday. or today. whichever.
woke up at freaking 5:30 :( stupid work at 7 :( so i got ready. get this right. i went to sleep at like 11 on wednesday night and grace was watching movies. i wake up this morning and shes still watching movies! while waiting for brad to get to my house (cause he was nice enough to take me to work even though its not even remotely on his way to work:)) i drank alot of red bull and was super hyper. i also wore my pajamas over my jeans :) so brad picked me up and i told him what nic thinks happened at the staff party. he laughed :) i was worried it was going to be awkward but it wasnt :) we rocked up to work and i realised something. i said to brad "its going to look great us turning up together with me in my pjs" good job bec. so we worked (with me and brad at different ends of the store obviously) the whole shift nic was making really sly comments about me and brad. it was really rude! like i was dye tagging clothes and nic was like "ohh shit on my chair" (her pregnancy chair) and the joke about it is that you'll get pregnant if you sit on it so i said "but ill get pregnant!" and nic said "hey tell your dad thats not my fault i tried to supervise" wow could you be any more obvious? and throughout the entire morning we had nics music playing all of which was nigger beats. all about sex. one quote "sit your pussy on that cock" yepp. i dont mind it so it didnt really worry me. then me and brad were left alone for a minute. we didnt talk, we didnt look at each other, we know the work rules. then the next song came on and it was a bit of a slower one, a little more lovey dovey compared to what wed been listening to. nic comes back and goes "ohh id better change it, it shouldnt be playing when you two are left alone" gosh it was so rude. but im trying to be forgiving cause shes pregnant and hormonal and all. but still its just so frustrating cause she still hasnt said anything directly to me! gahhhhhhh!!! so yes. then right at the end of my shift i kind of stuffed up with a customer. but i waited around to how it was resolved then i left before the customer had finished signing the stuff cause i didnt really feel in the mood for nic to tell me it was all my fault. i thought i might have lost it if she did. then a couple of minutes later i got a text from brad saying "byee" so i text him back and explained why i left so suddenly and he said that nic knew that thats why i left :l so work tomorrows probably going to be shit. oh well. and me and brad pretty much spent the whole day texting. i told him the stuff that nic was saying and he got really mad and said nice things like "you shouldnt have to take that" and stuff :) ohh and i also spent the day at other sarahs house. i called her when i finished work and shed just woken up so she came and picked me up and we chilled at her house. we made muffins. and used the left over to make a little cake. its so good :) then she dropped me home and i watched changeling with mum. best movie :) and then my best friends girl. and we have the secret life of bees out as well which i shall watch before work cause ive read the book and its amazing.

so yes thats my life to date.

ohhh and rickys called me both tonight and last night asking if i wanted to hang out. im too chicken to chill with the boys without either of the sarahs. i could if riley or luke were there but i knew riley wasnt going to be and i wasnt sure about luke.

and i was talking to zack tonight and he was like "we should do question time" so we were asking each other questions. then i ran out of them so i asked him if he had any more for me and he was like "no. but yea. but its embarrassing" so then i spent a while trying to get him to say it but then his laptop battery died. i have a fair idea about what he was going to ask though :S

im loving seeing brads name in my inbox again. we're having major texting conversations again. just like it used to be. it feels exactly like how it used to be. is it weird that its not weird that we're like that instantly again? it probably is weird. it probably is bad. but i dont care. ive missed him too much to let him go again. ive just gotta learn how to be his friend. cause i skipped that part to start with. i fell in love with him the moment i saw him. lame, huh? ive just gotta fall out of love with him now.
i found two versus from le love that they took from the film 2 days in paris.

"Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well."
im terrified that this is going to be my life. well not my whole life. my immediate life. like i could look back on this two and a half years from now and have it tell my story. cause thats what its doing at the moment, just shorter.

"When I think that its over, that I'll never see him again like this... well yes, I'll bump into him, we'll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we'll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost.
There's a moment in life where you can't recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else's kisses."
i dont want brad to forget me. and when i read the part about not being able to recover from a break-up... it just felt right. home. if i cant recover and i dont diserve him what do i do?

well its 1:05 AM.
im going to bed.
i was going to put the photos from the staff party up but im just too tired.
another night xx

p.s. being in brads car again was so good. his musics changed a little but which shocked me. it felt werid. that id missed him changing. weird.
p.p.s. nics babys a boy :)
p.p.p.s. aimees mums in hospital. get better, aimees mum.