a new definition of a retard.

brad. not me. brad.
just before he opened a msn conversation with me. i can only think of one other time where hes done that (even when we were dating) which was when we had that whole conversation about getting back together. so firstly thats weird. then he starts making conversation. even when we were dating i was always the one making all of the conversation. so the fact that he was making equal conversation is weird. then he was flirting. weird weird weird.
yesterday we have nothing and today hes acting like hes trying to start something. fair enough if hes having trouble making up his mind but he should make it up before he does anything.
i am sick of him. he is so confusing. he is impossible.
but something great is happening. im pretty sure im getting over him. like when he started talking to me i was thinking "what now?" and when he was making conversation i was making conversation back but there was no butterflies like there has been from the first time i talked to him and when he was flirting i was complaining to other sarah about his yo-yoing and when he said bye i was relieved cause i didnt have to talk to him more.
its exciting to think that i might not like brad anymore. even when i liked other people i still liked brad more than them. its been two years.
its about friggen time :)

anyways monday was my only day of school this week and it was pretty average. i had a spare first so i slept in and still managed to get ready before grace. so i took myspace mirror shots.
nutter was pissing me off in english. we have to do our assessment in pairs or threes so im with nutter (not asked just presumed) and aside from missing the first two lessons in watching and breaking down macbeth (one intentional) she sits there in the first lesson of english shes had this term and texts/lays her head down on the desk for the whole lesson instead of actually paying attention. and she hasnt read the stuff mrs. o'connor set for our assignment. i really want to ask to be with the sarahs if they'll have me. i think im going to ask them first and if they're okay with it then ill think about it some more.
then the brad thing happened. and nick talked to me about other sarah. hes really into her, shes going to shatter him when they break up :(

tuesday was sports day so again another sleep in :) then i discovered my sarahs werent coming :( so i hung out with naomi and co. instead which was great fun :) i should really chill with them more. cause im on the grad video committee i had a camera and filmed lots and lots. and me, naomi and aimee recorded our hume song :) i didnt see nutter pretty much at all. i did hurdles with naomi and managed to not knock three over :) pretty good effort i think considering that they are higher than my hips :) whenever id knock one down it would hit the back of my right leg and now i have a huge bruise and its all swollen :) then later me, naomi and aimee were chilling in the film room with hume and he recommended that we do my film cause i was stressing a bit that it wasnt going to work but he said we should give it a go :) then nutter saw me and our senior jerseys finally came in!! so we ran down to the art room where they were but she said shed stay outside cause there wasnt much room. i was in there for maybe 5 minutes and when i came out shed left. im actually quite cut about it. especially since we got matching jerseys. gahh. anyways so they're actually pretty nice even though its ridiculous how much they cost and how long we had to wait. im in love mine actually.
that night other sarah invited me to the movies to see my life in ruins. i wore my jersey :) my life in ruins is pretty good its a bit stereotypical though. then we went to zarraffas and chilled there for about 2 hours. i love being friends with the people there its halarious :) then we went via bp to home and we got call-outs at the bp. even though it was a pretty lame attempt it still feels nice yknow :) then home and i pretty much went to bed.

today i decided to have a me day. i got up at 10 :) read for a bit then cause it was such a nice day i decided to go down to cotton tree to read. it was quite nice :) at one point i was lying on the grass in the shade and a guy a couple of meters down from me started playing his guitar and singing :) there were some rude people at that point but then a text from sister sarah made up for it :) then i brought myself icecream and ate it before walking back to the plaza and chilling with my work crew for a bit before catching the bus home. nic is back from sydney and shes finally got a stomach! shes so gorgeous she should me her 18 week scans and you can see its face and everything. its really cool in a creepy way. then home and mum was in a shit mood so ive been in my room for most of it. and then brads conversation.

now im going to go to bed.
night all xx

p.s. it makes me really sad to think that ill never have another sports day in my entire life. i never appreciated them enough.
p.p.s. ive just found a quote that fits how i think i would feel if any of my friends died. "i cant comprehend that you're not here" i really cant even imagine not having my friends. not having my sister sarah to always hug just cause im feeling cuddly. or not having other sarah to pay out on for the way she speaks. or not having naomi to be a kid with. or not having maddie to be able to call up and talk pretty much nonstop to her for half an hour while she barely says a word. or to not have david letting me play with his hands whenever i want. or to not have aimee to have scary movie nights with. or to not have brad to complain to and about.
i need my friends. and im terrified of what im going to do when they die. next year will be hard enough but at least there is mail, telephone, text, email, myspace, msn, im, facebook and twitter to help us keep in touch. really anyone that looses touch with their close friends "cause they've moved away" should stop using that excuse.
well now that im all sad and stressing over stuff that with any luck wont happen for a good 50 years at least im really going to go to bed.