i feel weird that i havent told nomy about tom. i always tell her everything, shes one of my best friends, but i just dont think she would react well to the whole tom thing. i think i would loose massive respect points from her if i told her. we’re just really different like that. she doesnt really get with boys or get drunk. she sees thingslike that as pointless. but they arent pointless to me. but she doesnt see that. gosh i dont know. i want to tell her. but i dont think i will. unless it comes up in conversation. cause i dont want to lie to her.
gosh.
i almost kind of understand how hannah treated sappho when they stopped being friends. hannah was changing and she didnt think that sappho would understand why hannah was changing and into new things. so she ended it first. probably not the best way to handle it cause it might have worked after all. but still i can see the thought process behind it. but im going to do it my way.
on friday i got up at 1 PM :) then watched the secret life of bees while getting ready for work. on the way to work me and mum got in this massive fight and she said that "i could never come home again blah blah blah". i got into work and hid my tears, being stealth like i am and all, then walked to the back room ready to have a massive cry. i walked into the back room and nic and brad are there. instant happy. cause i didnt want them to fuss. brad finished half an hour after i started so we didnt get to talk much but it was still good to see him :) then the rest of work was boring. dad picked me up from work and just as i got home sister sarah texted me saying that she was having a shindig at hers so i lied to dad, told him that i forgot that it was sister sarahs birthday and apologised for not being able to come to his that night. so i got ready for sister sarahs, other sarah picked me up, picked sister sarah up on the way there and went to hers. ron ron was already there cause he got the times mixed up :) then reiss, nick and tom arrived. me and other sarah decided to go on a secret maccas run that turned out to not be so secret when sister sarah told the boys where wed gone. so when we got back to sister sarahs we had to lock ourselves in other sarahs car to avoid them eating our food. but they eventually got in and tom put his feet in my face :( not cool. then ben came. then later on ricky, ryan, julian and adam arrived. we found out luke is in malaysia for a holiday, which explains why we haven’t seen him in forever. adam was drunk and suggested that we go swimming so ron ron stips down to his jocks and goes in, followed by adam. then ron ron got out, the boys grabbed adams clothes and all but one towel and locked adam outside. gosh it was halarious. after a while we felt bad and let him back inside. then he accidentally dropped his towel and he had an erection!! funniest thing ever. ohh but poor adam he was so embarrassed. but i still don’t get why he got one!! i dont get it!! then sister sarahs mum got home and even though she had told sister sarah that she could have people over, that there was only 10 of us, that we were all in reasonable control and that we hadn’t made any mess she went off at sister sarah :( sister sarah got really sad and after cleaning everything up she just went to her room. tom, ron ron and reiss left soon after that. i chilled with nick and we had epic talks about sex, and relationships and things. it was quite nice :) then tom came back and asked nick if he really needed him to drive him home in the morning cause hed just found a way home. nick said he didnt so tom left again. when me and nick were talking he kept on saying how he wanted to sleep next to other sarah tonight, that he didnt care what else happened tonight as long as he ended up sleeping next to her. when he said this to her she said that they couldnt cause sister sarahs mum would be angry and think that things happened. so nick decided that he wanted to walk home :( it was sweet of him to be that upset that he couldnt sleep next to other sarah but it was still a bit extreme. so then he left and we went to bed. ohh and i was texting brad throughout the night but after a few texts he didnt text back so i figured he passed out. at about 6 AM Saturday morning brad text me saying “sorry luv i fell asleep” even though he woke me up i really wanted to text him back and talk. it took like all my self-control to not text him back. my whole body was tense, excited. i think ive really got myself in deep here.
on saturday other sarah dropped me at the plaza on her way home. i had subway and zarraffas for breakfast :) best ever. i text seth and we started talking :) it was good to catch up. then i went to work to drop off my stuff cause i started at 11. when i got there it turned out that the computers had crashed the night before and we were going to have to do all manual sales which id never done before. and our cash draw wouldnt open cause you have to go through the computers to open it. so yeah i was stressing majorly. but when i got in at 11 everything had just been fixed :) ohh and when i was shopping I brought a new bra with butterflies on it and half of nutters birthday present, a best friends photo frame. work was okay. not as fun as it would have been if i was with jess g but still okay. then dad picked me up, we went to mums to pick up my stuff and we went to his. i got home and went straight to sleep, i was so tired. then i woke up and realised that there was people over which pretty much means that i wasnt allowed to leave my room until they were gone. so i text jess g and we chatted for a bit. then the people left so i went out and had a banana, a glass of water and went to bed. well no thats not completely true i stayed awake for a bit listening to music and hoping brad would text me but after a while i accepted that he wouldnt so then i went to bed.
this morning i got up early and went to underwater world to get nutters birthday present (one free entry) then dad dropped me at the plaza. i got nutter a card and shopped at other sarahs work. found the nicest top, it made me look really skinny, but i dont really need it so didnt get it. then i went to work. i was so excited cause i was working with chloe but i had to stay in the back room for most of my shift to transfer in consolidations. me and sash chatted more about mum, it was good to have someone to talk to. then i went home and slept a little before going to nutters birthday dinner at hathi. i got there and mark, yamika, jackson, todd and josh were there. soon after nutter and jake turned up and she was sad cause jake was being rude. i cant believe that he was being rude to her on her birthday!! sometimes he shits me. and it shits me even more that she sits there and takes it, she never says anything to him ever. so we went inside and sat down. then katie arrived. ugh. we all decided that we were going to have buffet so I had butter chicken and a cheese nan :) yum i love indian :) we all chilled after that as people drifted home. then mum came to pick me up. nutter told me when we had a moment alone (cause she hasn’t told jake yet) that she applied to the army gap year thing. im real excited that shes making steps towards her future. not to be a bitch but I don’t know how much of a chance she has. its just that shes not very fit. but i mean that could change. she could change it. then i got home and talked to brad on the net for a bit :) and im still talking to the zacks and nick.
ricky has called me like every night just to chat/see whats happening for the past five nights. its weird. its not like we’re tight or anything. and the conversations only last like a couple of minutes. i dont get it.
until recently i never realised how bad i treated brad. other sarah was talking about “the line” the other day. y’know the line where you can dance with guys or hug guys one way but if anything else happens you’re crossing the line. i never even had a line! the weekend after i told brad that I cheated on him with luke, after id cried for ages and felt terrible about what i had done, i was spooning with riley! i never even thought of that as anything but I can guarantee that brad never did anything like that with any other girl but me and if hed seen me doing it then he would have been hell cut. with every reason to be as well. i feel so guilty. i really didnt deserve him. and i still don’t. so really even if im completely in love with him i shouldnt tell him until i think that i can be faithful cause i would never want to hurt him again.
thank god i never dated tom. i couldnt stand hurting him either.
well that’s all.
i know i said that id put the photos from jess and jess’s going away party but i just cant be bothered.
night all xx
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