feeling better

today was ok. not great, but passable.
i want to put in abit about me and brads break up as a record. like how it all went down.
it started off with me asking him about the date and he gave me a dodgy excuse but i believe him cause there really wasnt a reason for him to lie since id heard about it and everything. then he kissed me and i just couldnt kiss back. i know id given him a bad kiss so i didnt even look at him when i said bye and got out of his car.
about an hour later brad text me and asked if everything was ok. i replied not really.
then we talked about how we never get to see each other and he was really apologetic and wanted to sort things out.
when i told him that ive been trying to sort it out by myself and it hasnt worked he got angry and used the fact that he might have cancer (yeah. ill talk about that in a minute) to explain why hes been so off lately. and he brought up that im always out with other people (mainly riley and luke) and that i never invite him anywhere.
i told him that he is really moody and gets angry at me for no reason. he said hes never been angry at me and never taken his bad moods out on me. i told him he never tells me anything and he said he doesnt want to bring me down with his shit. and that he didnt mention that he was sick cause he didnt want me to stress. then he said that i never tell him when im feeling bad and he never knows whats going on with me until days later.
then he started trying to guilt trip me. he said i was the only good thing in his life, that im the only thing that makes him happy. and when i said that i never even knew he had such a bad life he told me is was cause he didnt think id understand and that id leave him for it. i was like ummm have you heard about my family? you definitely could have talked to me about it. his defense was that he was whenever he wanted to talk about it i didnt seem to want to.
then he went into a little depression and said things like im sorry for making your life miserable. then he accused me of cheating on him numerous times with riley/luke and that now he can finally sleep at night not wondering which guy im cuddling up to.
i told him that it wasnt my fault that riley liked me and he basically said that i deliberately made riley like me and loved hurting his feelings. then he went on about that for a bit before saying things like im sorry i couldnt make you happy like he does, im sorry i was such a shitty bf. and more depression like ill just stop trying to be any food at life.
then i said i wanted to be friends and he said that we should hold off on that for a bit cause it would be too hard.
and then he slagged me over myspace. joy


yes and brad dropped the bombshell of possible cancer on me yesterday. he fainted at training a couple of weeks ago and they've been doing tests on him since. and yesterday when i was asking him if they knew why he had fluid in his lungs he says all casual like ohhhh they're thinking possibly lung cancer. he said it so casual i almost let it pass by. turns out hes been being test for like 3 months and he didnt even tell me. so yeah, stress much.

so thats everything :)
xx