eyes shut

i love drama :) more specifically i love my drama class. ive never felt more at ease with a group of people in my life. i still get embarrassed around them but its no where near as bad as it is around other people. point and case: class today. we have a student teacher and shes sticking pretty well to the format of a student teacher. y'know what i mean first they bond with us, creating a feeling of trust within the class, then they try to make themselves the "cool" teacher, make it seem like they're on our side, then they teach. we're at stage one with (insert name here. my teacher cant even pronounce it, so i dont know it) so we're doing all the trust games and whatnot. usually this is really lame and painful but this student teachers actually got some moves. we played this one game, i cant remember what its called and i doubt i could spell it, but it was great. we all had to shut our eyes and stand with our arms held out in front of us, crossed over. one person was nominated to be the vampire, who had their eyes shut but instead of crossing their arms over held them out similar to how the zombies in old movies do. when the game started we had to walk around and if the vampire touched us on our shoulder we had to let out a blood-curdling scream :) then we also became a vampire, put our arms out in front of us and try to get people. if you were already a vampire and you got touched by another vampire then you became a human again. and so on and so forth. we had a practice scream session with our eyes open and i pretty much couldnt scream but as soon as we had our eyes shut i let loose. it was so much fun. we played heaps of other games where we had to have our eyes closed as well. we would have felt ridiculous and nobody would have participated half as much as they did if we didnt have our eyes shut. why is it that people can only let loose when nobodies watching?

my aim is to learn to not be embarrassed as often, or even at all if i can manage it. im sick of blushing at everything that i do. im sick of getting tongue-tied when people laugh at me. and im sick of beating myself up every night before i go to sleep about the stupid things i said/did that day.

i will be confident.

i will be original.

i will be myself.

starting today.