more soap for thought

first house now neighbours, when will this bombardment of thought-provoking speeches end!!
so yes neighbours gave me more than i bargained for today. there was a break-up or something and one of the people said dont break up just cause its the easy way out, make sure you're doing it cause its not working anymore. or words to that effect. which lead me to re-read what i wrote last night and try to figure out my mess of a love life.
heres what i know:

- i love brad
- i dont think that i will be able to get over brad for a very long time
- brad treats me right sometimes
- brad doesnt treat me right sometimes
- brad doesnt want to meet my friends
- its hard to see each other
- ive never felt this way about anyone else
- i want to be single sometimes
- i like being in a relationship
- brad doesnt trust me around guys
- i cheated on brad so thats understandable
- i miss brad when hes not around
- i dont want to loose my first boyfriend, love etc
- there have been heaps of "moments" between me and brad that i love thinking about
- breaking up with brad would cause loss of these moments
- brad gets jealous easy
- i can talk to brad about anything
- working and staff parties with brad would be bad if we broke up
- neither of our parents agree with us dating
- work doesnt agree with us dating
- people in general dont agree with us dating
- if i dated someone my age it might be easier
- if i break up with brad i probably wont date someone else until after schoolies
- i cant imagine not liking brad
- i dont want to break up with brad
- im worried that if i tried to break up with brad i would "get wooed" as sarah puts it
- i dont want to break up with him and then want him back
- i knew that it was going to be hard dating him before i asked him out
- he took me back after i cheated on him
- ive tried getting over him before and it hasnt worked
- it would be easier if we were the same age
- dating brad is hard

thats everything
every feeling i have about me and brad
now ive just got to decide which feelings are the most important
my deciding starts tonight
i will be decided soon
hopefully before i see brad next
thanks for letting me spill my guts :)
xx