hello holidays

yepp officially on holidays :)
its rather fantastic :)

so exams day two went okay. stressed about legal a bit before we went in. ive decided that alls i do when im stressed is get loud and swear. but i took notes in and since we have stupid teachers i looked at them all the time :) so hopefully i went well otherwise thats embarrassing.

friday night i went to work and sarian was working. oh dear i think i have a bit of a crush. not that anything could ever or would ever happen. ive got to get over it asap. after work i went to the movies with other sarah, riess and ron ron to see funny people. or happy people as other sarah called it :) we went to maccas afterwards (of course) and nutter was there. with people i dislike. so i didnt sit with her. but i think even if she was sitting with people that i liked i wouldnt have sat with her. i dont think shes my best friend anymore. in fact i think that stopped when she started choosing jake over me. its just taken me this long to realise it. then other sarah drove me home :)
the sarahs are most deffinetly my best friends :)

saturday i worked in the morning, shopped and chilled a little in the afternoon, came home and cleaned then went to riesses for pre-drinks. that was fun. his house is so nice :) then we made our way to bens. to be honest i dont feel like going through the details of saturday night it makes me feel sick just thinking about it. basically i got worse than too drunk, tom said he didnt want to have sex with me, i started crying for god knows what reason, tom freaked out and said that i was too attached, tom left, tom came back, i sobered up, i appologised, tom didnt really talk to me the rest of the night, tom kissed immy, tom felt bad, tom left.
so basically ive fucked everything up with tom. i dont even care about the sex side of it i feel like crying everytime i think about not being his friend anymore. i would give up our physical side in a heartbeat if we could be friends.
one good thing about saturday night though was bringing drunk other sarah home. and making cheese toasties :) i do love her dearly :) and it was cool that mum was cool about me bringing her home :)

sunday we woke up, chilled with mum, drove other sarah back to her car, drove to sister sarahs house to get my phone, came back home, slept then got ready to go to nutters. ohh and i texted tom an appology but he didnt reply. i was meant to go to nutters at 4 but at 3:30 i got a text from her saying "mum wants me to do shit can you come over at 6?" so i waited and came over at 6. i drove up and saw jakes car out the front. fuck. not only did she blow me off for him she lied about it. her mum let me into the house and as i was walking down the corridor to her room i heard her say to him "just jump out the window" gosh she is a bitch. so i came around the corner and of course shes in her underware with jake doing his pants up. let me remind you they are broken up. and hes still in love with her and she doesnt love him. fuck fuck fuck. i dont even like jake and i feel bad for him. we went to rangoli for dinner which was nice. and we talked more and i found out that fingers likes her and she said she has no feelings for him whatsoever.

today we got up and went to school. i did my film, the sarahs went to their exam and i chilled with cj and geln. i had really good talks with glen about the tom situation and he said to just wait and let him sort his head out. i love glen :) then cj told me that nutter has told fingers that she broke up wiith jake for fingers. fuck fuck fuck! i dont know how could you do that to someone! and shes doing it to two people! at least! gahhhhhh!! then other sarah finished her exam and we went to the beach. immy was at the beach so we chatted to her for a bit. she had her little sister with her, shes hell cute :) now i do just want to clear up that i dont have any bad feelings towards immy. i mean ive hooked up with boys since me and tom have been having sex. and i also have no bad feelings against tom. before i got drunk i was thinking that i didnt want to have sex either cause harry was there and that made me feel weird. who knows what i was thinking when i was drunk. i certainly dont know. i cant believe that i cried though. thats up there with some of the worst things ive ever done when im drunk. its really embarrassing and i look really obsessive and desperate. which im not. i can and do sepparate having sex with tom and liking tom. so yeah i really dont know why i cried. anyways back to the beach. we chatted with immy then went to lie down. then we saw nick :) hes lovely :) later on we saw riley and emily, then haden alistair and julian came too :) eventually everyone left and then we did too. me and other sarah went shopping along mooloolaba and there were so many nice things. its so depressing shopping when you have no money :( then sister sarah joined us and we chilled for a bit before going home. yewww car chill seshes :) then home. tom came online for a while but he didnt talk to me :/ but i gave him space i didnt say anything. then other sarah came to my door and invited me to maccas with her and scotty :) so we chilled at maccas :) they would make the cutest couple i swear :) me and scotty had mega fun paying other sarah out :) then she dropped me home, i saw tom was still online, we still didnt talk and he signed off. fuck fuck fuck. he hates me. or even if he doesnt hate me he doesnt want to be friends. i ruin everything. fuck.

anyways thats whats up.
xx
p.s. im so lucky i have the sarahs. you have no idea how much i want to stay in my bed tomorrow and just feel sorry for myself but they wouldnt let me do that. even if i managed to lie to them tomorrow i wouldnt be able to keep it secret for much longer than that. they're the only ones that have looked after me even when i dont ask for it. i love them.