lame

beach day today :)
with the creek boys :)
i love them muchly :)

me and mum got into a fight before i left. she starting talking about uni which always ends in a fight. i know that she wants the best for me and all (or well i would hope she does) but she doesnt give a shit what i want. and that shits me. she just brings out the worst in me. so yeah we started talking about uni and cause i dont know what im going to do next year ive pretty much decided that im not going to start uni next semester which mums not happy with. so she started accusing me of not wanting to go to uni cause i just want to bludge and then started accusing me of doing that right now. so she asked me "what are you doing at the moment?" and i answered "im on holidays" then she went on more about bludging so i asked her "what are you doing at the moment?" she doesnt even have a freaking job i wasnt going to sit there and let her abuse me for not doing anything. so yeah that didnt go down well. oh well i dont really care.

the beach was so amazingly great :) i missed it so much :) i could have stayed out in the water all day if i had someone to stay with. i miss how much more amazing the beach was when i was little. well no actually the beach is still just as amazing for me i just dont have anyone to play with anymore :( i miss playing that over and under game where you would stand up for as long as possible to decided whether you were going to go over or under the wave :) and the egg game :) and just everything. its still pretty great now though :) even though i put sunscreen on i got burnt :/ silly bec not reapplying more times.

other sarah came home with me, i got ready at home, we went to other sarahs, she got ready, we dropped sister sarahs phone and wallet in at her work then went to hoggs breath for jess lees 18th dinner :) we were early so we walked to gloria jeans and saw stuart and jesse along the way :) then back to hoggs breath and to dinner :) jesses dinner was really nice other sarah paid for me cause i dont have any money until dad pays me back. fingers was at dinner and so was nutter. holy awkward. and for god knows what reason she sat at the table with him at it. she didnt order anything for dinner so i asked her later and she told me that it hurts to eat again. then later on again we were talking and she told me that if she looses another five kilograms shes going to be admitted to hospital. i havent mentioned it before (cause it hasnt been important) but nutter used to be annorexic. im so terrified. i feel so bad i kenw that she was getting thinner and thinner but i didnt think it was as bad as it is. i should have been paying more attention i should have noticed. i dont know what to do. i managed to talk about it to other sarah briefly cause i just needed someone to break down to for a minute. shes amazing. then back to the party. i got fingers and rhys to tell me their side of the story to see how things are and as much as i love nutter im inclined to believe their side. it just sounds so much like the thing with tom last year. sarah and rhys were my cuddle people cause i was so close to loosing everything. nutter and fingers went outside to talk for a bit at the end and when we came out she was crying :( so i comforted her, got todd to tell me his side then other sarah dropped me home.

when i got home i found out grace has run away from home. she'd walked to beckys which is ages away. but at least i know that shes there and shes safe. i cannot believe how blazae mum was being about it. she wouldnt even tell me what happened. i hate her.

why is everything shit? before the weekend i had nutter as my healthy best friend, i had tom as my fuck buddy, i had my relationship with mum getting better and i had grace at home. it was awesome. now everything is just ruined. i hate everything.