I suck

So today I broke up with Brae. It was so hard. Like so hard. Waiting for him to get to the beach was like the longest hour of my life. Running over what I was going to say over and over again, freaking out, my stomach churning. When he got there I couldn't breathe properly. Thank God I had Sarah Jean there. She led the other boys away so that me and Brae could talk. I froze so badly, my speach went out the window. In fact, it broke the fucking window frame. I barely got out the point I was making; that I thought we should just be friends. I barely mentioned any of my reasons. Then we went back to everyone, he didn't talk to me and he left without saying goodbye. Then he text Sarah Jean asking why I did it then he text me saying "Did something happen last night/today?" I took that as him asking if I had cheated on him but that wasn't what he meant, he just couldn't wrap his head around it. I properly explained to him that my feelings had changed and he asked "I can't change that, can I?" My heart broke just then. This was by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Me and Brae are talking now and it's okay, fairly awkward. He asked me if it was his fault and when I told him it had nothing to do with him things got better. I feel so bad though, his Mums taken the entire week off work so she can "keep an eye on him" Not only do I feel bad for making his Mum do that, not only do I feel worse, but Brae has to spend the week with his Mum. But at least we are talking!

And CJ was really nice today, he tried to cheer me up cause I was upset.
Anyways I'm gonna sleep. xx